Please Read This, If You Are In The Similar Situation As I´m. Thanks :)

Dear friends on EP Link 

My name is Marin and I´m 27 years old. I´m currently taking a bachelor degree in Occupational Therapy and I love it.

This is my story about dating an older gentleman, which I need some experiences and advice on: (Because it would be easier for me to make a decision based on your advice and shared experiences)  

Here it goes:
I have recently meet this older gentlemen on a chat line (not a sex chat line, just to let you know), and we talked and had a great time together.
After like an hour, he told me that he liked me and wanted to get to know me for real, because  he found me to be intelligence and sweet lady. I didn´t really wanted his number, because I was there only for casual talk, but was surprised, to see that he did actually like me and made a approach on me.  I said it was okay. He gives me his number. I started to call him everyday for this past few days that I have known him, but his feelings are growing by everyday that we talk, I find that very odd and strange, because it´s not possible to develop feelings for someone, who you have just meet and know so little about. 
Anyways..... this week alone is he determined that I´m the woman for him(he did actually say that I might not be, but he seems so sure at that time) , and he wants us to develop a strong and healthy friendship, which should lead to a relationship. 
I´m not that sure, because I don´t share the same feelings as he does, so it´s a little hard for me to open up for someone over the phone. He wants me to come over there and meet him and see what will happen with us and for the future. 
I really want to give this a go, but there is so many things, which makes this impossible for us to be together and that makes everything so much harder. But I have to realize that this is my reality and not his! 

I truly do like him and still I don´t know him that well yet. He is great father and great person with a great personality, which makes him special in so many ways. 
Again, I need some advice and maybe some experienced people, who knows a little about my current dilemma. 

I have listed here, few of the majors problems, which I have no idea, where him or I would fit in: 
(please read and tell me, what you think)

Here is what gets so complicating and frustrating:
1) I live in Denmark and I have a university to take care of and life of my own. And I don´t want to have a friendship/relationship over the phone, because it´s unpersonalized and not real. 

2) He is 30 years older than me (check the age, which were in the beginning of the story), which makes him 58 years old. He has already children and they are all grown up. And have a life of themselves. Has a son around my age !!!!!??? 
He is passed all that, should be enjoying life, but still is his hearts is with mine. 

3) I want children and a home of my own, and I want to experience this with someone of my own age. He has already done it and has a home of his own.

4) We live in two different countries and have two different lives, how are we ever to make this work at all?
I´m very busy because of the studies and he has unlimited time, but enjoys doing things outdoor and having fun :)

5) How about the near future? He is old and he is at the same age as my father, but my dad is older :), but we would not have a long time together and I would spend a lot of time taking care of him, when I should be out there and experienced life...

There are so many lose ends, and I simply want a resolution, which  could benefit us both. He told me yesterday, that he is not letting me go and he will not give that up, what should I do then? 

Anyways, please help me and please share with me your experience, because YOU would understand this situation more, that I would. 

Thanks for reading and have a great day
- Marin. 

FaroesePearl FaroesePearl
31-35, F
5 Responses Oct 12, 2011

Sounds as though he has hidden motives and needs to close deal in an instant. Personall, Id sever all ties and change phone number for safety and pray he hasn't found ya already from info you've already given him. Be wise and stay focused on your target and dreams.

Marin,<br />
<br />
So my friend of like culture, yes my Marin I am a True 110% full blood and genes Danish Viking from albourg, and copenhagen. So as a countryman, I going to advise you to do what is best for you! Finish school, that's number one! You my dear have worked very hard to achieve. This achievement will set the true path of your life. Besides if your going to get involved with older, why not look at older or mature from your culture (ME) for we think alike. Your desires are at the forefront! I look forward to your replies, so I can have the treasured Honor of Mentoring and befriending you in a positive light ba<x>sed on your needs and desires!

Hi,<br />
if you re read your post you will see you kind of answered your own question. you know in your heart, that despite him being a nice man and all the other lovely factors about him the simple fact remains he's just not in the cards for you. He's just an amazing person you happen to get to know but unfortunately faith will not take your side on this. Your age will make a major difference. I am 26years old and i was involved with a man 30 years my senior for 2years in the beginning it was not so hard but it does become an issue. unfortunately you both are on two different wave lengths for instance, you will want children he has had them, there is so much more. Good luck!

It doesn't sound like he is right for you.What you want is what he had 30 yrs ago so his time has come and gone.Tell him you want a younger man that wants the same things as you do.besides you will wear him out in just a couple years and he will leave you or you will leave him.Hope that helps ,oh and much easier to find someone closer to home that way it is more possible of getting to know that person easier.

Hi Marin,<br />
Well, I guess I should start with this statement that you made: "I´m not that sure, because I don´t share the same feelings as he does".<br />
You do not share the same feelings as him. You have way too much going for you.<br />
I personally believe that it would be incredibly selfish of a man of his age to want to pursue a relationship with you. He has lived his life; your's is just beginning.<br />
Please, it sounds like you are thinking about this at all angles and I am proud of you for that; but please, reconsider. <br />
If he does care about you, he should understand if you want to stay just friends. If he gets upset by you not wanting to take the relationship further, then you will know what his intentions were from the beginning.<br />
Having a healthy relationship is very difficult without obstacles; you two have so many negatives going against you right out of the gate. It will make it so much harder to maintain a happy, healthy relationship. <br />
Please, take care of you, it sounds like you are doing a good job! When love comes, you will know it, you won't doubt, you won't make lists, you will just feel it in your heart.<br />
I am very proud of you for asking for advice, for thinking this through.<br />
I wish you the best ;) Sam