Quit Smoking Or I Can't Marry You! What Are Your Thoughts?

Okay so my bf hates that I smoke. But here's the deal, I only smoke when I drink. I am not a regular smoker. So, okay, I can respect he hates it but my big girl shoes say, "who the hell are you to tell me what I can't do or else?" So i'm trying to be open about this. I know I should quit, because A it is in my best interest health wise, and B because I want to. I don't want to quit for him. But I don't like that this is an issue that questions his sites on marriage with me. He says its not the complete reason, but that its a major factor. Thoughts please, anyone??
mina4380 mina4380
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 16, 2013

When he first walked into your life, I bet you were smoking (my guess) .. If so, I bet he didn't mention one word about you smoking when you's first met,, correct? .. If this is the case, and his intentions were to stay with you, then he has no right to change you now, no more than the day he first met you. If he accepted it then, he should be accepting it now .. just saying.

I love my girlfriend. She smokes 2 a day, and if we are out 4 more, and I have never smoked. When we met I made it known to her that I couldn't have a long term relationship with a smoker, but we're all human and I got attached. 8 months down the road now and beyond seeing her cut down from smoking 10 a day a month after we met, I have heard nothing to make me think she truly wants to stop. I see her other minor faults but in her I do see marriage potential, but feel that this is the sole deal breaker and could break us in the long run. The short term things like smell have nothing to do with it but I know any pain now in breaking up with someone I love will be nothing on the potential pain in years to come through dealing with the health effects of her smoking. I've watched too many of my parents generation if not die, still deal with years of poor health.

I will plead for you to talk to him. I've always been 100% honest, hiding nothing with my girlfriend and talking has always been scary at the time but fixed potential problems. I'm just starting to get to the point now where I think it would be best for me to move on even while I'm truly in love with her. I'm resisting committing exactly because I love her. The choice is hers, and yours.

This isn't a time in my eyes for a "who the hell are you" time, but to save something precious, your health and the relationship. (Sorry if that may seem a little directed at you. I truly hope it helps you understand him)