2:10 In the Morning

I'm listening to Chill radio.  There's a song playing that reminds me of an old boyfriend. As boyfriends go, he wasn't the best...or the worst.  He just didn't care enough for me.  Now I have a boyfriend who cares a great deal for me.  But I don't think I care enough for him. It confuses me and I wonder if I should hang in there and learn to care more or if I should come clean and look for someone/something else.  I haven't achieved much in my life. The books I wanted to write are not written. The friends I had are remote and distant. Perhaps I don't care enough about anything.  Perhaps I care so much that I could never bear the thought of failure.  It could be either.  I vacillate between the two. I can't decide anything. Not even about myself.  What does it mean - this deep indecision and confusion? It never clears.  I hope that there will be someone out there who will be able to hear me. I crave some kind of wisdom that will direct me, because me own attempts to run my life have been so pathetically crap.  I want, I crave a bellyfull of gas that will make it all stop for good.

bb10sss bb10sss
36-40, F
1 Response Feb 20, 2009

I feel honesty is the best policy conerning anything in this life. I feel it is not very ethial to not be honest with someone your with. Set this person free that he might find someone who he an really give his heart to and that an give their heart to him as well. <br />
Have faith in your ability as a writer, write your books and be happy or at least content. Try not to get down on yourself, there is a greater purpose in life just try and find it, I am good at giving advie not personally taking it. so, good luck to you.<br />
In life people let us down when our expectations are to high for them...ya know...?<br />
Life is crqap sometimes esp. when we have to deal with phony insecere people who really dont give a fxxx about us anyway so it is hard to feel good with all of this stuff, at least this is one thing I do understand if nothing else. Try to find one thing in this life that you truely like or give a damn about,anything at all if not one thing, a walk , a book something anything....<br />
we all struggle and when you are down it helps to do something for someone else that might be in need as well.<br />
Try volenteer service of some kind or random acts of kindness towards others...<br />
may you find happiness and not feel stress this evening...