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He Just Told Me.....

I am a 33 year old mother of 3 young men ages 15,12 & 10. I met this guy that I have been dating for the past 7 months online we connected right from the get go. We meet for the first time in November and he quit his job and moved in with my 3 boys and me in January. I worked 40 hours a week and came home cooked dinner and still took care of my boys. He did help around the house while I was at work and everything was going ok until now he got his new job 3 weeks ago and now he is saying that my boys don’t respond to him and that he feels like he is not the right guy for my boys. As we discussed his feelings I found out that the way he feels about my sons is that they are disrespectful and said they have Narcissism. He also said that he does not know how to parent them and that he does not love them because they don’t love him and don’t respect him.  I feel he is using my boys to break up with me and need someone’s opinion!
thndrsn76 thndrsn76 31-35 4 Responses Jun 10, 2010

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I am sad to read this post as it sounds so familiar. I guess the end stop is that a great deal of men find it so hard to take on another's children. They might want to, but it is easier said than done.<br />
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A friend of mine has just been through years of marriage to a man who has used the children as an excuse for behaving badly. He stood on their wedding day and made a speech about his new family and how they made him complete, but when it came down to it, he was no good at sharing his love or his money. It hurt the woman he loved, the children and himself.<br />
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It is good to hear you found love, and good to see the comments your post has received as it means hopefully you can move on and, who knows, maybe find another man that is deserving of you. Some folk just don't know what they have until it's gone.

He definitely is. He doesn't deserve you or your boys. If he truly loved you, he would do anything, ANYTHING, to make it work with you and your children. You sound like an intelligent, hard working, good mom that deserves only good things. I would let him walk on. You and your boys deserve much better.

Thank You SoSwell for your comment! Yes, I am a no nonsense kind of lady because of my 3 boys.... in fact we have a zero tolerance law that we go by! When you ask what is my gut feeling about his motives well, I feel that he doesn't want to commit because of the responsibility that is required. I feel he would rather live a lonely life rather than to have boys to take care of and raise. I asked him last night if he was willing to give me up and he said in order for you to find the "right" man for your boys yes. and he says he loves me? Hm mm, I have to question that one! I feel that if he loved me like he said he does well he would love my boys and want to help raise them with me and make a life together! Am i wrong for feeling this way? Yes the family life would be strained if he stays when he does not want to! I don't want him to stay under those circumstances I would rather be friends at a distance than to put all of us through the strain! Now, it is just getting my heart to accept the fact that he doesn't want to make a life with me and the boys! How is that done?

Your experiences as mother to 3 boys have given you a no-nonsense approach to most decisions in life. What is your gut feeling about this man's motives? Do you feel this is the least hurtful way for him to say goodbye? Do you think the family dynamics will become too strained if he continues to pretend that he is capable of parenting teens even though he has already shared with you his perspective on this? <br />
If you feel being a friend at a distance would be better for your boys in the long haul than being in the same house, then prepare your heart to accept that some matters are beyond our persuasion. Wishing you & your boys a heathy & love-filled life.