Is There Hope?

I've been with my friend, one time fiance`, and then in the last three months roommate. We raised/raising 5 kids One in college who is my son from a previous marriage, One who has grown and moved to Florida, two still teenagers 18 year old girl and 16 year old boy, those three from a previous marriage, and a daughter of our own who is 9. We've been together for 13 years. When we met it was a growing love and we decided we'd spend the rest of our lives together. I had a great job in Texas, and so did she. Her family offered us a house in Memphis if we'd move closer to the family so we moved. That didn't work out as planned so we had to move after one year there, this time to Michigan where my family was. We both left careers in Memphis but were able to transfer somewhat to here. After some bit of struggling with me working as a contract technician the employment well in Michigan started drying up. During one of my working periods Our youngest was born and we both agreed it would be a great time to start her business. Her business was successful and we felt we could make this work and then I was laid off. Since that time I have had on again off again work one year on one year off two years on 6 months off etc. during this period we lived in a rental 5 mile from town and out in the country. Eventually when I was in a good job we decided to buy our first home when we finished signing the papers I proposed. And then I was Laid off again. During this time her business has had ups and downs but was somewhat steady. After much searching I was able to find a job in a nearby town and it seemed I may be on the road to recover from the jobless woes when I was laid off yet again. We've been in our home for three years only 1 and a half of which I've been working.

Now the love of my life has decided that this just isn't working, she needs to find herself has decided to separate. has decided that she has been trapped and lost herself. She has separated and I haven't yet... I don't want to and won't leave her but I do need someone I can talk to about this, I don't have friends of my own who I can talk to about it. If I continue to talk to myself about it I get lost in the horrible histories of my past marriage so when there are moments my love and I can talk I end up sticking my foot in my mouth say something that really doesn't have to do with her. I want to fix it but I don't know how
FreefromManistee FreefromManistee
41-45, M
4 Responses Jul 26, 2010

Thank you all for your support and I'm taking in everything. Things are okay, not bad, not good but certainly in limbo and okay at the moment, but, again, I'm thinking there will be no overnight fix. I'm being kind and following the 60/40 rule... give 60 expect 40... well actually I'm doing what I can to give 70 and expect 30. I''m praying, I'm doing what I can to anticipate needs.<br />
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I set goals for myself to be working soon (even if it means a polyester shirt with a name tag) and being positive throughout the day. Affirmations in the morning, afternoon and evenings. The negative atmosphere here has to change and I can only change my part in it.... here's hoping

I recently went through a divorce after twenty years of marriage and I know how you feel. I know the despair you must be going through each day.<br />
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Have you thought about counseling? I didn't have much use for counselors, but it really helped to have someone to talk with that wasn't judgmental.<br />
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Please let us know how you are doing.

Ask God /Goddess for help they can guide you,,,all you have to do is believe and recieve,,,you have the power within to fix it,,,but both of you have to be willing,,,come on please just tell her that you know the world has had a hold on both of you,,,and that both of you need each other to get though this world,,,,money will not be here for ever,,,,matters of the heart are what is most important here,,,I know you can touch her heart,,,you have been together long enough to know how to touch each other,,,,Love is very important,,,and sometimes we have to give more even though we might feel like we are giving all we can,,,,please just reach out and talk to your higher self,,,,it is better to be together than to have to start over when time is so so short,,,and our help mates are very important in that the connection between you both is a sheild,,,, a bubble of protection,,,your Love is a Bond,,,one that no one can take from either of you,,,but you both have to stop being selfish and come together,,,seperation is a selfish way out,,,well I hope I have said something that can help you,,,I will keep both of you in my prays,,,and I am here for both of you,,,I myself am working on my marrage,,,Love and Light Mary

Forgiveness does seem to be the answer. I keep looking around and seeing other men and thinking there is no way they would put up with this, why in the hell am I? Love must be the answer and love must be enough to forgive. Thank you Karraster