A Vicious Cycle

We all know the old adage, girls like jerks. It's true, as much as I hate the fact. And it's begun to alter the way that I interact with girls. With women. With everyone.

To begin, I was raised as a good natured person. I've always been a caring and kind person, but that was started to change over the last several years. I'm 22 and almost finished with college. Back in high school, I had a fairly easy time with women. Although I was sort of nerdy at home, I was a football player by image, with a fairly imposing frame (for a kid of very average height) and what some would call "handsome". When I got to college, things changed. Trying to be a good man got me nowhere but the dreaded friend zone - I'd try to offer a date to every girl I drunkenly and sloppily hooked up with. All of a sudden, I found myself with a handful of one night stands with girls who bolted because I showed them a kind and decent side to a man, who most thought would just be an ******* due to the way I looked.

Yes, I am a fraternity boy. Yes, I work out. No, I do not drink (anymore) or do drugs.

As I got older, I found myself yearning for a decent woman who was equally interesting and caring as she was attractive. I'm completely sick of beautiful women who have no heart (and no brains), and that has put me in a rather precarious situation. Because of all the times that I've found myself hurt by women who picked up on my external appearance, but later reject my decent (sensitive) side, I've found myself turning into a cruel, cold person. And this has gotten me tons of attention from women. Yet, everything changes as soon as I ask them to allow me to take them to dinner, or go for a walk in the rain, or sit in a field and tell me about themselves. So then I sit alone with my feelings, angry at myself for showing my sensitive side. So what happens with that anger? The vicious cycle - I become colder, crueler, more detached. And I act like a **** to the girls at my college, and they throw themselves at me. Physically... So I try to open up emotionally, and get hurt. Again, and again, and again.

As I'm writing this, I'd be a sight to see. I'm a big 'ol muscle bound kid with great hair and perfect complexion - tearing up at the eyes and torn up inside, because it just happened, yet again. I thought this one was different - she was sweet, nervous, easy to talk to. She didn't go straight for my belt, she enjoyed the time talking, gently kissing and caressing. She liked me, and I liked her. Not the average run-of-the-mill **** that populates college campuses nationwide.

So this was going to be one that might be worth my time, after time and time again being hurt by man-eating girls. Nope. I asked her out, she seemed to be really happy about it. I ran into her tonight, and she was cold. Distant. It was confusing, and hurtful. A friend of mine talked to her, and yet again, I ****** it all up because I tried to be a decent guy.

She has a history of abusive, cheating boyfriends with whom she has stayed with for long periods of time. She was attracted to me when I treated her like a piece of meat, but as soon as I try to be a real person with her, it all crumbles. So here I am, angry again. I'll probably be a **** to the next girl I meet, and everything will be great, again, until I show her my sensitive side, again, and the vicious cycle continues.
MrRightPKS MrRightPKS
1 Response May 7, 2012

So your problem is: When sex comes first you don't see a love. But, when you see love there is no sex. Is that what you mean to say? Brother, love is life and not sex. But, you are having patient to find a lover and to do love making. Lover is not easy, so you have to wait, until you find your lover, just be with sex loving girls.