Too Much For Me To Handle

     Well, my story isn't as worse as some others probably are. But I need help, I'm tired of putting others' problems before me when I need help too.
I was born into a poor family, not like living on the streets, but barely getting by. My dad is bipolar and I remember watching him beat my mom. There was one memory so vivid, I was only 3 or 4. I couldn't sleep over the scream of my mom so I walked down the hall and looked around the corner. My dad had her pinned to our recliner and was repeatedly smacking and punching her.
     On another occasion, several months after my mom left my dad, we moved into a complex an hour away form the previous house. My mom had gotten a boyfriend by then and he came over every couple nights to hang out and say hi. My mom eventually broke up with him. He didn't want to leave. One night, he came banging on the door. My mom locked the door in a panic after he became enraged for no reason. He tried kicking his way in but only broke 2 of the 3 doors hinges. He continued to throw a rock through our window then left. Of course, my mom called the police and they had a stake out at the house overnight. I was told to go to my room and go to bed so I did. I thought he would try to get in through my window so I've been mentally scarred ever since.
     After a couple months away from my dad, it was my first time seeing him. He had let the place go. It was not suited for anyone of any age. My dad was still very upset about the divorce and continued to lash out at me for it. At one point, he punched me in the bridge of my nose, thankfully, I didn't sustain any injuries. Things weren't the best back at my mom's either. She had gotten another boyfriend and he was even worse. He was very aggressive. One morning, when I was 10 or 11, he strangled me until I was on the verge of passing out. Another night, he picked me up and threw me across the room into a chair.
     I bottled up my emotions for as long as I can remember, careful not to become like my dad, my mom's ex boyfriend, or her current boyfriend. When I was alone, I used to bang my heads on walls, sometimes putting holes in them. I would scream for what seemed like hours, and still not be done. My step-dad (my mom and the second boyfriend had married) drove me to the edge and over so I took up a form of releasing my emotions. I would scratch my arms raw. I have scars here and there showing where I scratched.
     To add onto the list of crap, my entire family is against homosexuality, and I recently discovered I was gay. I have a hard time coping with them mocking gays while I sit there, knowing that they're offending me too, whether they mean to or not. I can't tell them because I'm already treated badly enough and I can't handle anymore from them or anybody.
bryceschulte bryceschulte
2 Responses May 25, 2012

I didn't have such a rough growing up but I can relate. When I was growing up my dad was super timid but my mom beat the **** out of me. She always punched me and scratched me and was bi polar and was always really violent with my whole family. Growing up I used to scream a lot and be rebellious and I was very unruly and I used to punch holes in my wall and things of that nature. I'm still pretty ****** up but hey man you aren't the only one out there. Hopefully you and I can find some resolve somewhere in this world.

part of life is being quite attimes and to know what fights you can win and when to fight them at your age unless youhave some place to go you need to think <br />
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when they are talking like that just let you mind wondder to some places else i guess