Struggling To Deal With ThingsTwo major things have happened to me this weekend and got me to the point where I feel I can no longer cope. As a teenager I had agoraphobia, I managed to overcome that but it left me with anxiety and depression. However over the years I have fought hard to deal with and control the feelings to the point where I got voluntary work, which then led to part time work. I love my job and on the whole get on well with the people I work with, but the boss has turned against me for some reason. She is bullying me and causing as much trouble as she can so to get me the sack I work as a cook in a cafe in a chrisitan centre run by a group of Trustees. The boss keeps going to the chairman saying I'm slacking, that there are alot of complaints about my cooking and that I don't clean up after me. I have had alot of compliments about my cooking on several occasions, and definitely far more often than any complaints.
Aswell as that, the point of the christian centre is to help those that are homeless and vulnerable. Just over a year ago a guy came in because he'd just been made homeless. I made a connection with him straight away, and occasionally we'd have a chat. In september he started as a volunteer in the cafe and immediately started chatting me up. I had been hurt so much in the past I told him I couldn't get into a relationship because I didn't trust men. He said he knew what it was like and he was different and he would wait for me however long it took. Before too long I let him in and fell completely in love with him. Just after a week after we got together he started texting me in the early hours of the morning telling me he wanted to die and was going to jump in a river. I found it very hard to take, but I supported him emotionally throughout our 5 months together, stood by him when others were putting him down. I also supported him financially, using all my savings. Eventually we drifted apart due to him getting a job and working very long hours, but I always believed we would get back together. Then for some reason he turned against me. It first appeared it was because someone told him, wrongly, that I had a new man in my life, he appeared to be jealous. But since then he has turned really nasty saying he wants nothing more to do with me. I have told him there is no other man in my life and he appears to believe that, but I really don't understand why he's turned on me in such a horrible way. I was as good a friend to him as he could ever have had, I helped pick him up when he was rock bottom
Yesterday I got a letter from the chairman of the trustees saying I have to attend a meeting next friday to discuss matters concerning the bosses complaints about me and because they have had a letter from a visitor to the centre complaining about my behaviour towards him, I know for sure it was this guy I was involved with. I feel so betrayed by him. I'm having to deal with the fact I've lost him, and I really did love him so much. He has hurt me so much but there is part of me that thinks if he came back to me I'd give him a chance. But there is also the big worry that I may lose my job. I really don't know how I would cope financially, as I am a single parent. My whole world seems to be crashing down around me and I don't know what to do
Bellesmum 41-45 1 Response 0 Jun 10, 2012