Need Direction For Anger Issues

I have anger management problems and I don't know how to deal with them. I have a loving, caring family who are all patient and kind and wise and in any normal situation, I'm fine, just like all of them. I just graduated college and took the biggest leap of my life and moved from Seattle to DC to show my 6 little brothers that it's not about graduating but utilizing the degree.

However, when I get drunk or someone is ignorant or arrogant toward me, it's so hard for me to hold back. Last night, I got in an argument over the phone and I threw my phone at the wall so hard I broke my phone (which really sucks because I've been applying for jobs so now I can't even receive the calls I'm expecting) and put a hole in the wall. It's not like a "snap" anger, it's more like a build-up anger that leads to a very irrational, regretful decision.

I moved from Seattle to DC in hopes of separating myself from the rut I was in but it's happening all over again out here. I used to smoke weed often (but in moderation) and when I was smoking, even if I wasn't high, I never had episodes like last night. Half of the reason I wanted to move was in hopes of breaking my dependence on substances but since I don't smoke anymore, I've drinking more often and heavier.

I moved in with my best friend and I feel like he's regretting living with me because I've been making so many dumb choices. Back in Seattle, I worked full time, went to school full time and had a girlfriend so needless to say I was ALWAYS busy. Now that I've been out here, I can't get a job so I can't get off the couch and it's making me stir crazy which leads to drinking. I feel like if I were to tell my roommate this, I would be saying it as an excuse, but it's actually deeply affecting me not keeping busy. I've even applied to volunteer at places but I don't have enough gas or money for gas to get to the places I want to volunteer at and all the places within walking distance aren't a good fit for me. I get out of the house by exercising but that only lasts 45 minutes.

I don't want to quit drinking all together, I'm a 23 year old college grad, sharing a beer or two always makes for a good time. When I stick to just a couple drinks, I rarely get angry and even when I get drunk, my anger only comes out once in a blue-moon but since I've been trapped at home, my episodes have been occurring more often.

I have a good grasp on life and if you met me in person, you probably wouldn't believe all of these issues I'm having because I'm always smiling and cracking jokes so I don't feel like need God (sorry if I offend), I don't need to check into a rehab center, I want to go to N.A. but my problems are so trivial compared to the junkies that go there and really need the help (I've been, it doesn't work for me) so I just don't know where to turn, how to ask help or even who to ask. Thank you for letting me vent, I really appreciate this website and your responses. I would also appreciate any advice on where to go for my issues, keeping in mind I'm really broke. (which also sucks cause now I don't know how to replace my phone or get a job to get paid to replace my phone...)

EDIT: I don't drink every day, nor do I get drunk every time I drink. These episodes only happen about once a week and they don't happen because of alcohol, it just happens more often when I drink. Also, I feel like because of my separation from substances, I have a more difficult time falling asleep and staying asleep and because of that, I'm more anxious which leads to more sleep deprivation and then eventually an episode.
snikmis snikmis
1 Response Sep 17, 2012

Yeah it definitely doesn't sound like you have a serious addiction problem . You are just in a rut and that happens to many , maybe most people , at some point . The mistake was in not making sure you had employment in D.C. before moving . Phones are pretty cheap , and maybe you could find a cheaper phone at a thrift store . That is definitely priority anyway so that the employers can contact you .

Sounds like you come from a big family . How did your own father treat you ? Could there be any repressed anger from the way you were raised . In large families like that I believe there is a tendency for the parents to have a stricter discipline method .

Just be careful to measure your words and reaction when you start getting into a convo that is edgy or might lead to arguments . Now that you see how responding in anger only causes more problems needlessly , use that as a reassurance to have a right response in the next argument situation . Hope that helps .