Other Side

I'm a young wife and mother, with a seemingly perfect life but for as long as i can remember I've struggled with depression episodes. These episodes have messed with my life a lot, I've been called crazy and bipolar. Episodes can last as long as weeks and drain the life out of me. I'm normally pretty happy and optimistic but I can't fight this. I don't feel I have anyone to talk to cause I always fake like life is perfect and I don't want anyone to know. My husband betrayed my trust and talked to one of his friends about this and I don't ever want to talk to him about it again. I love my daughter more than anything in this world and this isn't who I want her to remember me as. I'm not wealthy enough to afford any mental health professionals. I don't know what to do.
cobweb10 cobweb10
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 18, 2012

Cobweb, look into it further. There is now afforable mental health plans and help for those who cant afford it. Do not know let others prevent you from getting the help you need. Its called stigma. Mental Illness/Mental Health, sadly has that word attached to it. don't allow for people to keep the stigma that surrounds it to keep going.

First things first, who are you painting the "perfect life" picture for? Is it your neighbors? your friends? Church people? They are often more intimidated by a perfect person than they are an imperfect person. First step is to be willing to let people know who the real you and your awareness of the problem, even tell them you need some help. When you find out they are still just as accepting, your confidence will go up. Cutting communication with your husband is a bad idea, he will want to help you, of course he him self might need some outside assistance; he will probably need some friends ideas to help him help you. This is the chain on how humanity helps each other fight the battle of life. I am not sure what you expected of your husband, but he won't have all the answers, he talked to his friends because he wants to help you, he is going to need some help. What are you hiding from? There is really nothing to fear, you might accidentally come out with some real close life friends who cherish the real you. I say, stop living fake and just start living as the real person you are; there is no such thing for anyone as a perfect life, that's a lie people try to tell them selves.

I can't let anyone in. I never could. People are just constant disappointments and i feel safer if they don't know me so i keep everyone at a distance. I don't know why, i only know I'm not capable of helping myself

It does not seem to me your feeling safer, I mean the whole Idea of wanting to fix this problems kinda says so. Telling your self the words "I can't" is actually very damaging to self worth; especially because it has a 99% chance of not being true. I am not belittling you here, I want to to know that, I would not even reply if I thought it was not worth it. You know what you have been concentrating on your whole life? The reason to your fears now? Two simple words "What If". With those two words you've designed many many scenarios of why someone won't like you or think your worthless or less then them selves. Those two words have another affect though, what if you are completely wrong? What if all you think will be will simply not be so? What if what really happens will become a pivotal turning point in your life towards a greater positive you thought was not achievable? What if you simply started giving all your concentration towards the better possible outcome? I will tell you, eventually you will start living that outcome given a little self patience. It no longer matters if someone is going to be disappointing or wonderful, all that matters is the little good points each one gives you, the rest you can forget. Don't let people in, let yourself out; some will run but... Many more will come. Let's say you were running for real, how many miles can you run before eventually you have to face what is chasing you? How many miles have you run so far? It's got to reaching the point of exhaustion. Your not bad, your not stupid, your not worthless, your just a little misguided is all.

Thank you. All Ican muster up to say right now. I know your right. Just got to act on it now.