A Solitary Life.

I am sure there are times. Maybe I am stuck in the negative frame of mind where I can't see it. Most often I am screaming on the inside to feel a connection with another human being, whether it is a meaningful talk about dark thoughts, or even a good discussion about the weather. The introvert label may fit me, but I think it is because I do not know how to have a conversation, or create/keep a friendship much past the acquaintance phase. I feel I dump my feelings on people too easy and scare them away, but then why is the only feedback I have gotten from people is that I am not open? I am open! I need to talk! I need someone to listen! I need someone to respond! I know I am a good listener, people come to me to pour out their feelings, how do I create an atmosphere of reciprocation?
I had a friend. Or who I thought was a friend. I made a point to call everyday just to say hello and ask how they are doing. We would hang out and do activities often. This went on for a couple years and frustration grew as I realized it was a very one sided friendship. I always initiated the contact. I always initiated the outtings. After a rocky month where I confronted them about the one-sided state of things, and of promises to return calls that never happened, I got fed up. After a week of hearing, "I'm in the middle of something, I will call you back in a few," I did something that I still feel is childish, but that I can't see as being wrong. I simply stopped calling. If they made any attempt to text or call or visit me, I was ready and waiting. Nothing. Three months passed. Really? Three months? A friend for years, no fights, no arguements, no reason to stop talking, never attempts to contact me? After daily calls which I replay in my head, of seemingly great interactive conversations... .I would have expected within a few days to have received a call or a text.... just a "hello". Nothing. For three months. My birthday came and went in that time. Still nothing. Mutual friend had a phone call in which the subject of me came up and they said, "tell her I said happy birthday, I will call her tonight". Still nothing. After three months I got a "hi" from them online. A couple weeks later I get a text, informing me they recently got a new phone number. And asked me to pass it on to another mutual friend. That's all? What did I do wrong? What should I have done? It is just over? I can be ok with that.... but it makes me think what is wrong with me? Why can't i form lasting friendships? I must be doing something wrong. Scaring people off? Not being responsive in the way I need to be with another human? I feel I am.... but something is off.
Waitingtorest Waitingtorest
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

I have this problem with my so called friends too... why do I have to be the one to keep in touch or rty to talk to them and then they dont return calls or never want to do anything and are too busy for friends anymore? ! . its disturbing how people only use what they need from you and then dont talk to you anymore until they need something else