To Much Has Been Piling Up...

I have been through a lot. It's not super horrible stuff but it's enough to get someone like me to break. But I think it's bad when you have had thoughts of suicide when you were 6/7. I never have told really anyone that. I don't want my friends knowing how messed up I can be. It's for a "stupid" reason anyway but it's not stupid to me. I ******' love that dog. and I am hundred percent seriously when I thought about suicide and running away since I was 6 or 7 because I wanted him back. It's not fair when he was your best friend, hero, brother, all those years and he gets taken away without warning. He will be passing away soon... and if I don't find an amazing legit reason to stay here.... I don't know what will happen........


Now life has been piling up on me a lot lately. Grade 7 I got super depressed but I hid it pretty well in end of grade 8 I got better.

Over the summer a my ex pressured me into losing my virginity. He actually pretty much tried to rape me one time. I was best friends with him and his best friend all summer. We stopped talking 2 weeks after I lost it to him. I miss them like crazy because even though we had some tough times the fun times outweighed the horrible.

School is okay but I can NEVER focus. When things are happening around me: I can't focus. So I never am able to do my work there.

The guy I have been in love with for the past 4 years is liking my close friend of mine. I never knew he liked me all that time and when I finally realized and was gonna make a move, he started to like her. I had to watch them make out and flirt in front of me.

After the whole loss of virginity thing I decided to do everything bad now and get the bad times over and done with. So once school started I started hanging with the "wrong crowd" and started smoking. I'm not addicted or anything but a lot of people are hating on me for it.

My "best friend" (she hasn't even been a friend for pretty much the past 6 years I have known her) is a bitchh. I mean, I have said bad stuff about her but most of it was true. She attacked me a few times before. and she constantly puts people down. and uses excuses constantly and she constantly ******* out and is an attention seeker and guilt trips people into hanging with her instead of me and pulls them away, literally.

My recent ex cheated on me. My best friend usually ******* at me over the same mistakes she is making. My best best guy friend is constantly depressed. I am failing in school. My mom calls me a disappointment and useless. My dad and mom are split up. I can't even deal with my dad for more then a few hours because he is so immature. A guy who I have been talking to says he loves me and all that stuff, so I finally slowly start to believe him and devolp a bit of feelings and now he might just stop talking to me which hurts.


Sorry.... I needed to vent :|
ImJustDifferent98 ImJustDifferent98
13-15, F
Dec 4, 2012