Feeling So Alone And Empty. Please Help

Lately most times I've been feeling like my world is falling apart. Like everything used to be perfect, and now everything I had worked for is fading away. And it's driving me insane.

I'm in grade nine now, and at the end of my grade eight school year I had just started to recover from chronic lymes disease, and after being bullied the year before that, everything was looking up. I started going back to school about an hour a day (that's all I could handle with the lymes), I was seeing my friends again, me and my three best girl friend's bond was stronger than ever, I got a gold medal in acedemics for the second year, i got mvp for basketball, and one of the most best things was that my guy friend who I had a crazy crush for really REALLY seemed like he liked me back. He carried my books for me everyday, wanted to talk to me every break, he was soooo worried about me, complimented me often, favored me over my other friends, and there is so many other things I'd could put down that I'd like to remember forever back then. But now it isn't important.

At the end of summer, I was invited to my crush's party, nothing exciting about that, he had invited me over to his parties and such multiple times. However, when he called me to invite me, he said monday.... It was sunday or something like that so I assumed that he meant that the next monday. But maybe it was a good thing that I misunderstood him, because his new girlfriend (who he had just met, and knew for a week as far as I know) was at that party..... holding his hand. Like all the time, when his parents weren't there, according to my friends. When I found out, I actually didn't believe what I was hearing. He acted as though he liked me lots, but I guess he didn't. I felt so stupid for falling for him. For about a week I tried to deny it. I thought, there is no way he has a girlfriend. But I had to believe it when a couple weeks later him and my other friends were at my house. He started talking about her. He said he didn't really like her that much, she's kind of clingy and obsessive, and she's noIt even that pretty but hes more dating her for the personality. That made me feel even more worthless. If she's his girlfriend and she's not that pretty and sort of clingy but still he chose her over me, what does that make me?

Our friendship obviously continued in to the new school year. During the very beginning of the year, he used to text me first all the time (and quite cute things, too. The cutest one had to be when he's like, "i seriously doubt that theres no guy that doesn't like you at least a little bit) and give me his sweater if I was cold multiple times, yet he had a girlfriend. For a moment I was still in denial that he had a girlfriend, and believed it. Things came crashing down on me, though. He stopped texting me, unless I text him first. He seems now that he's too cool for me and my bestie, who is also like best friends with him. He doesn't talk to us often. He used to favor me but now i feel like he tries to include me the least, or at least that's how i feel. He used to be so dang nice to me but now i guess its not much anymore. And even worse, one of my other best friends who really really likes him too, and actually said he would not like it if she happened to like him, well he pays way more attention to her than me sometimes.

I want to get over him so bad but when I try I feel so empty. Theres no other guys who are even somewhat desirable to me in my school (i live in a very small town)

And if that wasnt enough at the beginning of the year, there was a new girl who just happened to want to come hang out with me and my group of friends. She is absolutely annoying and I can't stand her. None of us like her, except one of my friends who says she's not bad. I feel she's coming in between my friends and I and I hate it. There's an incredibly strong bond there, she doesn't know what shes getting herself in to.

I feel like Im complaining and being sad for nothing and it makes me feel worthless and stupid. The only person who understands me completely is my best friend, and I can't seem to get enough alone time with her. I look at all these people who have it worse than me and I think that im just feeling sorry for myself and I should just suck it up. But I don't know how much longer i can suck it up for.
Please Help.


An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Dec 6, 2012

Thank you so much for the help, lately i've been trying to get over this guy since there's nothing i can do about him. It's the weirdest feeling though, I'll think I'm over him then when I talk to him I get those feelings for him again and it gives me a rush, and it seems out of my control. But I'm trying, everydays different it's an emotional rollercoaster really. Thank goodness for the new boy in our school, I found out about him a couple days ago and he is ah-dorable! He is also pretty quiet just like me so I'm hoping that I can have a fresh start with him. In any circumstance he's taking my mind off of the other guy cuz this new guy seems much more worth my time and energy. Thanks again,
Taylor

Oops I initially posted a reply about my book Shattered Family by Savannah Rain that would be good for you to read, but maybe not until a year or two from now.. I realy hope you get over this guy as he is clearly isn't worth much.. A girl who has suffered serious illness plus has been bullied plus has already demonstrated that garbage guys can lure her in really NEEDS to read Shattered Family, but it is likely too -- I don't know how to say it -- too much too icky too graphic for you right this second. Please do read it and know what a bad guy can do to your life BEFORE you give your heart or your life to anyone. I wish you the best the world has to offer - good luck to you.