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I Really Need This....

As I am single, have no friends and am not close with my family, I often feel really lonely and abnormal. Everyone else seems to have people in their life who want to listen to them, who makes them see that their feelings are valid and not silly. Who hug them and take care of them, someone who they feel a connection and deep trust with. I don't have that and it kills me inside. I am a sensitive and loving person, I have deep thoughts, lots of anxieties at times and I crave, all the time, a mother figure. Someone who will think I am amazing, look after me a bit, hug me, compliment me, basically be an auntie type figure. I thought I had that but it turns out I didn't. Sometimes I get so jealous of other people who have these people in my life. ThenI hate myself for it.
Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F 300 Responses Dec 22, 2012

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I understand what you are going thru. I too am looking for friends as I have none anymore and my family won't talk to me. Feel free to mail me. Hugs.

What's wrong honey, if you need to chat I'm here.

I can relate.

So many words come to mind when I read your story that I honestly don't know what to say to help you feel better. I'm going through a similar situation & have been searching for a solution myself.

I am sorry. Thanks for commenting.

Thanks, & you're welcome. Not sure if we're close enough to be real life friends, but we can always talk here if you want.

You just describe my life to a T. I am so sorry that you feel this way and I understand from personal experience. I would really love to talk to you from the standpoint of someone who actually understands where I'm coming from. it can be so hard to be the good person that you are when you feel so lonely sometimes.

Yes, it can be. Thanks for your comment.

I am also in the same condition like you , I am husband to my wife and father of my 2 daughters. Also i find hard to find a genuine friend in EP, because some of them became friends of mine or they want me to add them/fans.But suddenly they disappear for some reasons.

Here isn't always the best place to make friends although it is do-able to find a couple you really connect with.

Thanks for the reply.I hope we both be friend and example to others.

Hard to fill that hole with something digital, but feel free to write to me.
I've heard I can be a good listener

Thank you. I appreciate that.

send a message when you want to tak!

Sorry to hear. I am single also and live by myself, and don't have my family close to me. The family close to me just don't keep in contact with me. I only have friendships, which I'm grateful for. It's really tough building trust, and it takes patience and time. I understand how you feel. I get jealous also when I hear or read about married couples and what they do together. Happiness starts from within. Find a good job, or volunteer somewhere. Don't let others make you feel any less valuable. Being single is never as fun. If you need to chat, I will be glad to listen. Hope you are well!

I understand what your going threw completely

I know what you're talking about. I live against my wish in an other country, i dont speak the language. The only friends i have is here on EP, my wife like to register at datingsites, but is jealouse at the same time because i am daily to find on EP and my family is 14000km away from me who dont care about me. Yeah i really know how you feel.

Read your Bible

Reading the bible only helps with certain things and so that isn't always the best advice.

Reading the bible only helps with certain things and so that isn't always the best advice.

I feel the same way and I would love to talk to you.

well i'll be your friend if you want. I am almost the same but I do have one really good friend who I value more than anything. It took me a long time to realize that though and I will never forget what it felt like to feel alone in the world. If you ever need to talk i am here.

u will find , i'm sure there r many ppl want someone like u to be in their life :)

Anytime you want to talk text me

you're definitely not alone. I lost my mother at 18, my father moved on within a year with an alcoholic who i can't get along with so i rarely speak to him or see him. my brother live 1000 miles away and all my friends from school have gone their own way. All i have is my grandmother and my boyfriend but inside I always feel empty. You just have to hang in there because when things are so bad, what other direction is there but up.

Oh! what a bad luck me and you have in common! Please just be friend of mine and change the situation, right!!

I feel your pain. I do have friends but sometimes I feel isolated and alone. Feel free to add me to your circle.....anyone who reads this can.

well well well, after all these responses, can you believe that you are the only lonely person out there? Lonely people aren't so lonely after all. No shame in sharing your feelings, we're all respectful here.

Ur story is my story maybe we could talk sometime.

I am sorry you are lonely. My husband just left me so I can relate to this. Please feel free to contact me.

Debbie

Jenni, I really understand what you feel. I'm in the same situation. I didn't know how to help unless I realised that maybe just saying it will make you feel less lonely. Then I read everything that other people have written to you, and I would like to thank you for writing about this, because, these answers have helped me too.
One last thing: I think it's nice to be able to share feelings on the net and have people who care react about them. The Experience Project is great for that purpose. But this won't replace any REAL connection - people you can meet up with, look in the eye when you talk to them, hug and get hugs from. People who will help you when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere or when you need to move out of your flat. People YOU can help, and get a feel-good return from. The feeling that you belong in a group, that you can't just disappear without anyone missing you.
Life feels so daunting without a friends' network. Like you, I used to think that I had it, mostly through my relatives, but now things have greatly changed and I don't know who I can turn to.
What we need to do is reach out, push our limits, get in touch with people that can be part of our lives in a non-virtual way. It's hard to begin with, but I don't think there's an other option.
Good luck! Take care.

You, just like everyone else, crave affection and acceptance, but life, just as it has for me, has placed you on the outside looking in, never experiencing a hug or any other kind of affection, never ever being a part of what we see others enjoying.

In my case, I've been alone since birth, this has conditioned me into accepting my lot, it's not the best place to be, it would have been lovely to have been a part of things, but at 65, I fear my chances of things ever changing have all passed.

I do things for people, in this way I get to be appreciated for the time I'm with them, and although this is small crumbs, it's better than nothing, so maybe you need to give of yourself to get what you want????

I believe loneliness is a state of mind, get yourself busy, fill your mind with things you have to do, involve yourself with others, even if it's fleeting, it's got to be better than living in solitary.

I am not sure this is true, because I do this, but it is impossible to keep busy forever. Eventually in a moment of peace I have to acknowledge this whole in my heart. Lonliness is a horrible feeling.

OK, everyone has moments where they are alone, where their thoughts turn to the way they see others living and they realize they\'re kind of cut off, but when it\'s all boiled down, it really is our problem, it\'s something we personally have to deal with. Many people have tried to offer you advice, amongst it all there must be things you can use to help improve your lot. Read it all and act on what you can.

Life is full of ups and downs...
Lights and Dark...
Good and Bad...

Like a coin...
It's Heads and Tails.

You can't spend just the "Good" side of the coin...

Your choice is not Good Or Bad...
Up or Down.


Your Choice is whether you spend your coin....
And take the rollercoaster ride...
Or sit in the car going nowhere...
on flat ground where it's safe.

I say....
Grab the Coin and Invest in Yourself!

P.S.
I don't know how to add you as a friend or add you to my circle....
But I would be ever so glad if you were.

P.P.S
Dizordot....means...
This or that....
Life is about choices!

Hey jenni... I know how u feel. I've been there and when I felt that way, I would reach out to others by telling them how I felt and even send out positive thoughts and prayers for those people.
Do u have hobbies and/or interests?
Are there groups, clubs, etc. for your interest?
I have met some very wonderful people like that...and in fact, went to a really helpful and positive meeting last night.
I told myself to "get outta my comfort zone" and just go. And that I did!
Anyways, I hope my comment helped.
I am here if you still need a friend!
Chris

Almost 13,000 people have read your post! I think that's great! I feel a connection to you, I'm not sure why, but I do appreciate your honesty, I have read your blog. I also am dealing with the pain of loneliness and of having a mother who is not loving. It is not easy to keep confidence when you have a mother who is not proud of you, I know! I have dealt with rejection and abandonment all of my life. I've wound up in my own little shell, all by myself. I have read all of the responses here and have found some of them to be very helpful. I hope you have as well. You are welcome to be my friend, I would be so happy to hear back from you, anytime. Maybe we could help each other. God Bless, transistic

There is a website called family wanted. The lady that runs it had dealt with the same thing, as have I. Maybe they could help you.

I was the same and then I realized I had that person in my ex boyfriend's mother. I felt guilty at first, wanting her as my mother rather than my own mother. Some people dont have a mother at all and would see me being ungrateful and cruel. It had always bothered me what people would think if i turned my back on my mother who had never put anyone first herself. She is a master at disguising her sociopathic behaviour using her money, alcohol, cooking and entertaining sarcasm to buy friends and influence people. Her tall stories became taller over time about her 'terrible' children and health issues. I realized my guilt was a waste of my energy - energy I was already depleted of from trying to fulfill the expectations of. This person who gave birth to me had been slowly choking me ever since I could remember. I've been living with chronic fatigue for nearly 35 years and more recently diagnosed with fybromyalgia. I began to see the relationship between her behaviour and my health issues. Why should I deny myself a full relationship with a person who loves me like a morher should love and support her daughter and values me as I do her. She already knew all about my woes with my family dis-connectedness so I asked her if she could be my mother figure... And she said yes!
I don't have contact with my real family any more and I no longer feel guilty. I have supportive friends and my new family around me and I couldn't be happier. The only weird thing now is explaining my connection to the family to my ex boyfriend's girlfriends as they come along. We are ok with it and quite frankly we are better at being siblings than boyfriend and girlfriend!! LOL
I love my new mum and do what I can to help her around her home as her arthritis limits her and we catch up over coffee every week and share books and videos on our many common interests.
I hope this helps you. Cheers