Extremely Low Self-esteem And Depression

Since I was little I've had nightmares. Ive always hated my body, my face, everything. Not appreciating what I've grown up with or what Ive been given. Ive given and heard a million excuses. Made a lot of stupid mistakes. Learned things the hard way. Take everything way too literally. Always been depressed. My parents said my ambilical cord strangled me after being born and i was in the prenatal ICU for three days. I have come to many conclusions; i'm dumb, autistic, socially awkward; even though my grades have proved not to be so. I have battled depression; bipolar; schizophrenia;psychosis.
Since i was little i *********** with objects; played with my private parts with my friends and destroyed the appearance of my once perfect vagina.
Every time i'm out in public I am ashamed of myself; people read my problems. Its like they can hear my thoughts, or I give everything away when i look at people; or whenever I speak. I have no self confidence and I have gotten to the point of considering labiaplasty. I just don't feel feminine. I do not need any nasty replies. I need support, suggestions. I am psychologically damaged.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 8, 2013