I am so very confused. I grew up as a Christian with Christian parents, bla bla bla. I would say it was a wonderful experience and such, which is very true, that I had a wonderful childhood. What confuses me is my continual limbo between God and atheism. Without God, nothing really matters. Yet, I have never met an atheist who follows this to the core of their being. They always believe something is good or something is bad.
Why should anything be good or bad? What makes humans or life so great anyways? Why shouldn't it end? What would be so bad death? Why should anything be bad?

Yet my mind rebels. I cannot say that there is no delineation of what is good and proper, as there is. For example, say that the US government passed a law saying that everybody had to come to work naked. Why not? It would make for improper functioning of the governmental systems? So what? Yet I can tell you that there would be an uproar of ridiculous proportion. Why is this?

Then there's the idea of systems. Consider the number of systems in our world, a car, the ecosystem of the earth, government, the bicycle, the computer. Why should the world make sense that we should be able to understand it, create within it and enjoy it? Why wouldn't it be illogical and unreasonable?

We take the laws of nature for granted so often. Why should they exist? Why should the area of a circle always be pi times the radius squared? Why shouldn't it be different every time, undeterminable? The sheer improbability and proper functioning of the world amazes me.

Without God, nothing matters, there is no real logical base to our judgements as to what should occur. Yet there are many things which make no sense to me if God were real. Why should people suffer? Why should he make it a bad thing? Why invent free will? Was God already defined by some characteristics that he should make the world according to how he is? Why must the sun be brightest after the rain? Could it not be bright all the time? Couldn't he make the world so that that we could be happy in a place that we couldn't make mistakes? WHY NOT?

All of this spins in my head, faster then faster until I just get tired of it all and give up on life. It's so difficult. I don't understand it. Why couldn't God make things right in the present, on earth? Why must we wait till heaven to be forever joyful? Why can't everybody go there? Why create a hell? Couldn't he have made it logical for there not to be anything bad, so everybody could go to heaven?

I can't make sense of either worldview by itself, and I'm just plain tired of it all. I don't get it.


A (honest) man
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

Hi there! Unlike you, i grew up with parents who didn't teach me any religion so I guess by default that means I was an athiest. However my uncle is a minister and ive explored the idea of christianity in quite some depth. But i guess without it being engrained in my way of thinking, the whole concept just doesnt make sense to me. I respect peoples beliefs but I dont think we need religion to explain the universe and our own being. This is my favourite discussion about the subject;

I think its along the lines of what you are talking about. Its just short and light-hearted. I'm not trying to guide you away from christianity or anything, I just found it insightful so maybe you will too :)

Oops the video link didnt work. Search "ricky gervais & richard dawkins on religion" on youtube :)