UpsetHello, this is my first time doing this so i don't know what to expect really so here it goes. I'm 23 years old and i'm depressed, here's why. I have a good heart, some have to told me i have "a heart of gold", i'm a nice guy, I've been told that i'm "too nice" and that "i'm too humble" and that my type is very rare these days, I've always respected people growing up and treated people right. My parents never let me out of the house when i was young and growing up, when i wanted to go out and play basketball directly across the street they would say no, it was always no with them, I pretty much grew up in my house/room. I saw my sisters and brother being able to do what they liked but yet with me, it was always "no" and i never wanted to do anything bad or had bad intentions, i'm never and will never be that type of person, so i never understood/understand why they didn't let me live a little. All my life I've been lied to by family and people who i thought were my friends. I don't till this day get along with my family.
When i hit middle school people saw how i was and they took advantage of that, they treated me the total opposite, i was able to get through that because at that time i had friends i knew since i was five years old who were there for me. I hit high school and of course everything around me changed, the environment, the people, everything, i was scared because how i grew up and the way i am was totally different, i was entering a huge high school and i wasn't used to the environment, to society, and what it would teach me. I learned about drugs, partying, sex, etc... I saw what society offered and i promised myself that i would never become that. I went to four different high schools in four years with my senior year being home school, because of this i never really developed any real relationships, because we always moved far away, it was uncomfortable and for me it sucked that i never had a chance to have new friends and develop long term friendships. That hurt me, but i thought, i have people I've know since i was five so at least i have them.
I was wrong, my friends ended up doing all the things that i rejected, parties, drugs etc.. this way of life sucked them all in, even my hardcore christian friend gave in, i tried for numerous years to help them and tell them what they are doing is wrong, but they rejected that and continued to do it, their way of life and them ignoring my help was upsetting me, so i had to cut them off, i have no friends now and when i do get a chance to go out with my parents (whom i still live with) and talk with people its not a building relationship type of talking, its more of "hey! Really? Cool, okay bye" type of talking, add to that i'm not an attractive person, I've been told that by many of people as well. I don't get along with my parents because they label me as someone i'm not, they call me lazy, they think that because i don't have a job, but i try so hard to find one but i cant seem to find one, they say i hate the family etc... All these things which are not true and hurts my heart, i tried telling them this but my family are the type that thinks they know it all and they're always right. My father admitted that he wishes he never kept me in the house growing up 'cause its made me i'm an indoor person, someone who never wants to go out, even though i have been working on that a little lately.
In high school i had made the basketball varsity team and when i told my dad he said no and didn't let me play, two years later he said that he told me no 'cause he thought i was lying to him, i felt like crying right there. A year later an indoor soccer team had come to the city i used to live in, they were holding tryouts and i asked him if i can try out 'cause playing sports was a dream for me, he replied "keep your dreams in your head."
Because of what has happened in my life, (trust me i can go on and on) i'm emotionally dead, i'm becoming bitter, i'm starting not to care anymore about anyone or anything. All my life i did good, its who i am, but because of this people have walked all over me in life, my own family does it, heck, even the guy my sister married (who is living with us) is starting to get in on the act, I've been treated unfairly and it hurts me a lot, and the negative atmosphere and dysfunctional family i have is making it worse. I have no license, no car, no job, i have no where to go, i'm always positive and i always have a smile on my face, although its beginning to fade away slowly. I know their are people out there that have it worse, i'm very thankful for the roof over my head, the clothes on my back, and the bed i sleep in, i appreciate all of it and i never take that for granted, but its really hard for me right now.
I know that all of you who will read this will not understand me, no one understands me, but i just hope that i can find someone that can help me get back on my feet, someone who, when is told my life story (which is way more things) they can put themselves in my shoes and help me grow as a human being and be my friend, be someone who cares about me and never lies to me, who doesn't take advantage of me 'cause of who i am. For once i just want to know how it feels to win one in life, i'm a nice guy but i don't want to finish last. Thanks to the people who run this site for giving me an opportunity to share this, because at the moment i have no one to talk to in life and share this with, everyone who reads this pray for me please. Thank You.