Wicked Games

Been asking myself for a while now. Tired of everything and everyone. My birthday is exactly 9 months after my parents wedding. Every time I remember this, I think, "Was I just an accident?" No one really wants me around or cares when I am gone. So what will change if I leave and never come back? What do I have to offer to the world? I can't do anything right, no one finds me even a little bit attractive, everyone takes advantage of me and when they don't need to, they ignore me. I just have that something about me that makes people not want to talk or have anything to do with me. Even on here, a lot of my threads are ignored. I just hate how I can't be good at anything. I studied for an important quiz, made a 94. Kid behind me sleeps during class, never takes notes and makes a 98. These people in AP classes make good grades without even trying. They don't have to try to be great but I have to try my hardest just to be good. So that I can shake off the stereotype that i'm just another uneducated ni**er. That I'm not an idiot. But lately, thats all I've proven myself to be. An idiot. A useless one. I see all these people being buddy buddy in my class, then there is me, just ignored or used as the butt of jokes. I hate being laughed at. I hate laughter in general because I always assume its about me. Probably my weight. I've been trying for a good six years to lose weight because I feel if I do, people will respect me more or maybe even like me more. But for six years, nothing. Not even a little.

So why not kill myself? Save my parents the electricity and disappointment. Save people from having to deal with an idiot like me? What good reason do I have? Wait for the future? I'm tired of waiting because thats all I've done. Wait forw something good to happen and it never has and I doubt it ever will. So why am I still here? And who would give two ***** if anything happened?
SoloHD SoloHD
22-25, M
Jan 17, 2013