Girlfriend Split

My names Andy and I'm 46
I'm sorry for wasting your time but I feel so low at the moment.
Two days ago my girlfriend of only 7 months told me she found some one else.
It's so stupid I want to cry my eyes out but feel so ashamed to do so.
Female friends have told me I'm a great guy and i can call them anytime but I don't want to be a burden on them or have them thinking Oh my god it's him on the phone again.
Two years ago I split with my girl of 16 years.( Yvonne )
I was devastated but everyone said don't worry the next one will be the one.
Mary came along I had know her for years and we always got on well.
I couldn't believe my luck.
We hung out for a while got very close but my ex of 16 years (yvonne) said can we try again.
Told Mary.
She was hurt upset betrayed. I was guilty but felt I had to try with my long time girlfriend.
It failed again.
Me and Mary tried again she forgave me and I thought we were going great. 3 months in and I got an invite to italy to meet the family.
She went a week before me then call a couple if days later its over.
In the short time I had split with my long time girl again and lost Mary.
I couldn't cope. Took to drink.
6 months later I joint e-harmony and met Gaynor. This time I was so so sure it was the right girl. I was so so happy. We went to Greece and planned to go to South Africa but two days ago she said she met someone else who's 62. She's 41 !!!
I'm shocked how can I loose my girl to a man almost 20 years older than me.
I'm hurting so so much and can't stand everybody saying chin up your a great guy she's wrong. I just want a lovely women to love and be loved and have a family of my own.
I don't want to be alone or left behind.
I'm scared I'm doing something stupid.
Please help me

Andysparky Andysparky
2 Responses Feb 1, 2013

Don't know if this is going to help you any, but I'm going to give it a shot anyways. Basically, don't be too hard on yourself. After a few experiences it can be easy to see your relationships as a long line of failures. The only thing is, you're getting a one sided view. It wasn't all you each time. Maybe it wasn't even mostly you each time. Chemistry goes wonky and there's not much us humans can do about it. One thing you SHOULD do is definitely quit acting like having a big family is first and foremost in your mind. I know a lot of men who just want to be stay at home daddies and they are unfortunately all single. Do stuff that's fun for you. Try new stuff. Get it to the point where you are so busy doing great stuff all your exes will be jealous. Also I know it's way easier for me to say from outside the situation, but it seems like you should meet someone that's not from inside your pattern of exes. Hence the 'try new stuff'. Remember that having a big family isn't the be-all end-all. Ask yourself; is it the kids you really want? a specific woman or just someone. Because if it's the kids you could adopt one...just a thought. Ok done enough damage here, I wish you the best of luck and PS you're still young. Go get 'em.

Thank you Sao much for your advice. When you're low common sense evades you but your words are comfort to me. I always wanted to be a dad but to be able to find a women to love and love in return will be fantastic. Thank you again

Why be ashamed to cry? Nothing hurts more than being dumped for someone else. I feel for you! :( *hugs*

and IMHO it is weird for her to go with a guy that much older...maybe she needs some kind of father thing....

Thank you for your words of comfort. Sorry I didn't return your message earlier but as you can guess wasn't in the right frame of mind.
Just felt hopeless because I really felt this could be the right girl.
But is wasn't to be
Thank you again

It sound horrible but I agree and I want it to fail. Am I being a horrible person