Never Having Someone Who Cares

Ever since I was a little girl I have been told by my mother that the only reason she ever had me was because my sister wanted a little sister, and that she wished I was never born. My mom is Bipolar and my dad is an alchoholic, and so is my sister. My sister has never been there for me, although she would always tell me she would be there whenever I needed help. However everytime I try talking to her she goes off into her world and talks about her problems. My mom has just gotten a boyfriend and I am always alone. My mom is always mad at me when she is home and my sister treats me like I am a disgusting rat. Both my sister and my mom make me feel disgusting, like I dont belong anywhere. My dad lives in europe but he only talks to my sister. No one in my family actually likes me, and they all act like I was mistake. But I keep telling myself I wasnt but it is getting harder everyday. I am falling in a pit of depression, and no one is there to help. I tried to tell my mom but she said she knew but saw no reason to do anything because it will go away eventually. It has been eight years that I have been having a harder time to deal with it. I just want some one to care about me and to be there. I dont want the fake family where if there are people around then they act like all of a sudden it matters to them. I am starting to become numb, and just letting my body become a shell of nothing but darkness. Suicide has been slipping in my mind lately and its just sounding alot better everyday. Because maybe if I die then they might start caring and at least it would show me that they cared a little bit in the end.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Feb 3, 2013

Oh sweet are loved by a force much greater than any of your negative family members. i came here in search of solace myself because I too have a very negative family but I read this and my heart hurts for you. I hope that you haven't hurt yourself and can turn to the love and light inside yourself. Its very hard, especially when there are so many negative people around you. You have to look inward and search for the beauty within. We are all beautiful in one way or another and you are not a mistake. The only mistake would be to take your life and end it without seeing the beauty life has to offer. I believe in Karma and if you take your own life you will pay for it in one way or another. Through reincarnation with a more troubled life than you have now or an eternity spent in the unknown. You have to seek out the truth in this chaotic world, can I recommend meditation. There are some amazing videos on youtube for guided practice. This will teach you to look inward and will teach you how to block out the negative thoughts and energy all around you. Please know that you are what you think and if you think what they speak of you then they win. They see something beautiful within you and they are envious therefore they try to dim that and take it away. I can only say to seek out the truth...turn to people outside your family for support. I commend you on posting this, it symbolizes strength and that you are ready for a change. You have to be the change you wish to see and also must realize that you can not change anybody but yourself. Peace to you my friend!