Never Having Someone Who Cares
Ever since I was a little girl I have been told by my mother that the only reason she ever had me was because my sister wanted a little sister, and that she wished I was never born. My mom is Bipolar and my dad is an alchoholic, and so is my sister. My sister has never been there for me, although she would always tell me she would be there whenever I needed help. However everytime I try talking to her she goes off into her world and talks about her problems. My mom has just gotten a boyfriend and I am always alone. My mom is always mad at me when she is home and my sister treats me like I am a disgusting rat. Both my sister and my mom make me feel disgusting, like I dont belong anywhere. My dad lives in europe but he only talks to my sister. No one in my family actually likes me, and they all act like I was mistake. But I keep telling myself I wasnt but it is getting harder everyday. I am falling in a pit of depression, and no one is there to help. I tried to tell my mom but she said she knew but saw no reason to do anything because it will go away eventually. It has been eight years that I have been having a harder time to deal with it. I just want some one to care about me and to be there. I dont want the fake family where if there are people around then they act like all of a sudden it matters to them. I am starting to become numb, and just letting my body become a shell of nothing but darkness. Suicide has been slipping in my mind lately and its just sounding alot better everyday. Because maybe if I die then they might start caring and at least it would show me that they cared a little bit in the end.