I have belittled my fiance, completely out of the blue I don't know where it came from. It was late at night, and she took it badly. Badly like, she now thinks I'm pushing her away so that she will break up with me. I want to talk to someone, tell them whatever they need to know/I want to tell, and find out their view.

Details of the final break point:

Just the other night. She was rolling on about emails from her boss that I didn't see were bad in any way. I told her my thinking, and she sort of saw where I was coming from but was still upset saying she was going to ask for a written apology from her boss. He's the guy who can decide whether the trial she's working on continues or not (it's on shaky ground). I thought that deserved a little more consideration. Then I lost it. I just said she spun me all this irrelevant information like this thing happened and I wrote that on the form and ... He questioned this and then that and... It was 11pm here (very late for us), and I was tired. I just laid it on real thick. Your boss asked you some questions, big deal. Just answer the questions. And so on.

I belittled her. I did everything my principles say don't do. Everyone has different thresholds for everything. Everyone has different levels of tolerance for different things. Respect those levels. Help them to get to a better place when they are sad. It's simple.

But I failed. That night I failed. 19th August 2014. And that may have been the last straw (of breaking and fixing and breaking and fixing) for a relationship of 4.5 years. Actually come to think of it, neither of us remembered our engagement date this year. Perhaps we really are done. :*(
cloudsoflife cloudsoflife
31-35, M
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

It sounds like you might of been a little harsh but she should be able to take someone being a little harsh to her. I would give it a few days. Honestly she is lucky to have a guy that sees what he did might of been wrong and he can step back and look at things from her point of view. My boyfriend is harsh with me all the time and I feel like I am.to blame and although my feelings are hurt for a short time I usually get over it quickly.

Thank you maggiemae89, I hear you. I'm sorry for your situation, it could be that for him harsh is simply truth - whereas for you it is harsh. Different interpretations of the same thing? I would seriously consider whether you are going to change your perceptions of how he talks to you, or finding someone else. Because long-term harshness against another will fall down :( Think in 60 years time. That's a lot of negativity you could avoid by deciding now-ish...

I believe in a few days she will have decided, and she will not get over it. She has had enough of breaking and fixing. Honestly, so have I. I thought we were beyond that, but we do still have issues between us, clearly. :(

I understand completely. That breaking and fixing gets tiring after awhile. I am sorry for your situation as well. It's clear you care about her. I hope you both figure what is right for you two.

Yes I have alreday started to take what he says with a grain of salt and not let it get to me. Trying at least.

=] Thank you. All the very best.

Your welcome. :) same to you.

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Actually I believe I do know. Having written it, helps a lot. My boss did that to me, but the difference is her boss is in a different country. My boss sat across from me. I believe I was belittling myself. We see only things we are familiar with - most of that comes from within ourselves, some our family and some our friends/people we come into contact with/movies/music/books etc. I saw in her the reactions of myself from years back, and I berated those reactions for driving me into a big black hole where it was OK for my boss to do that to me. I've never forgiven myself for that. That undealt with baggage in my life came out that night. It caused such pain to my fiance, she doesn't want to sleep in our bed anymore. :(