i cant see my life getting better. not that that's never been said before. after five and a half years my girlfriend left me for someone on facebook. she did everything she could to make the process of leaving hurt as much as possible. i don't understand why, if she was the one acting in such a terrible way, did she feel she had to make me hurt more.
i now have nothing. part of that is literal since she took all of the furniture, but i've also lost the only family i've ever felt i had. i've never had a good relationship with my actual family. they mostly ignored me until i was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. she had a strong family that made me feel like i had what i was missing all my life. i even started working for her dad a little over a year ago and i actually feel that we've become friends.
now i've lost all of that. i don't have anything to look forward to. i've been unable to eat when not high or sleep for more than a few hours a night. i've been thinking about killing myself continuously for the past month.
it's not an issue of 'my girlfriend dumped me, i don't want to live.' it feels more like the time with her was just a stay of execution. i guess so i could no for sure that i was missing out on something. if i could go back to the hospital i would but i just cant afford it. i just don't want to be alive anymore.