Ran Out

i cant see my life getting better. not that that's never been said before. after five and a half years my girlfriend left me for someone on facebook. she did everything she could to make the process of leaving hurt as much as possible. i don't understand why, if she was the one acting in such a terrible way, did she feel she had to make me hurt more.

i now have nothing. part of that is literal since she took all of the furniture, but i've also lost the only family i've ever felt i had. i've never had a good relationship with my actual family. they mostly ignored me until i was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. she had a strong family that made me feel like i had what i was missing all my life. i even started working for her dad a little over a year ago and i actually feel that we've become friends.

now i've lost all of that. i don't have anything to look forward to. i've been unable to eat when not high or sleep for more than a few hours a night. i've been thinking about killing myself continuously for the past month.

it's not an issue of 'my girlfriend dumped me, i don't want to live.' it feels more like the time with her was just a stay of execution. i guess so i could no for sure that i was missing out on something. if i could go back to the hospital i would but i just cant afford it. i just don't want to be alive anymore.

mulcahy mulcahy
22-25, M
6 Responses Aug 1, 2009

Some people are jerks, and I'm sorry you dated one. I really hope you don't kill yourself, there is so much beauty in life. It's not about what you were born having, but rather what you make for yourself. Every day the choice is yours to be happy or misrable, angry or mad, you choose everyday how you will feel, rather you realize it or not. Now imagine all those negative/ hurtful emotions are like all the extra cr*p you pack on a trip that you really don't need. Imagine dropping the things you don't need, that make you misrable, and choose to take only those things which bring you completion, happiness, compassion, and most of all, you are a person worth loving! So start by loving yourself unconditionally!

I had a feeling like this a lot when our dog was sick and we had to put him down. Dont give up and dont give in. God will soon show himself in your life. I'm praying for you

im so to hear your in so much pain , i have been there and its heart breaking , but more because you qusetion who you are now like life is empty , please ever need a chat im here , also forus on one thing at a time then you will slowly feel better , peace x

Please don´t do anything to hurt yourself. I hate to say it by don´t let your happiness depend on other people. They can add to it but not rule over it. Create a space inside where you feel empathy and love for yourself. Chose to go for life and it will be there to be found.

set an easy goal , and work to achieve it ... then another one ... while working on those goals things will start changing in ur life and maybe someone will come and make ur life worth living again ... but this wont happen if u dont try at all nor if u try too hard .... so just act as a person with a normal life , and hopefully soon ull have one

I'm sorry to hear that you are in such a state of depression. I'm not sure where you are but there are support groups via phone or via internet that may be able to give you some professional advice. Dont give up and seek help. God bless you