Unbelievable Change...

I've only been married to my husband for 6 months.  And I know that relationships change, and for the most part I welcome change, although this is un-healthy un-welcomed change...

I have a 5 year old daughter, from a previous relationship, that absolutely adores him, and vice versa.  When we were first married, everyone was jealous of our relationship - we literally had something that would make the whole world jealous.  He said, and did, many things to make me feel special, and wanted.  I was a VERY independent woman, always had my own things, and my own way of doing things.  Unfortunetaly due to the wonderful economy, I lost my job.   I've been wanting to start my own business for years, and my husband told me to try, now he just throws it in my face that I'm not working yet.  He started drinking heavily, he's sneaky, he lies, and he's down right nasty.  He's immature, and didn't start showing his true colors until very recently.  He literally walks around the house screaming "Hail Satan!" when he's drunk, not to mention he's shovenistic, and isn't very fond of women.  Oh yeah - and sex has gone downhill...twice in 3 months.  He is very cold towards me, and just down right mean.  I don't know what his problem is!  He walks around all the time like he doesn't care, and now for the past week or so, I have reversed the roles, and now I am the one that is acting like I don't care.  And that's exactly what I am doing, acting...I'm sick as hell because of the stress, and I don't have anyone to talk  to about this.  I've never in my life been co-dependent.  At one time I had 4 jobs, and full time school just to make it.  When him and I first met, I worked in an office and as a bartender.  I feel like he took some of my freedom, because although he didn't exactly say NOT to bartend, he made it loud and clear that he wasn't fond of it.  So now I can not afford to live on my own, I'm still in school, and I have no where else to go - I'm so stuck, and angry, and hurt *cry*

I guess I don't understand why people change after marriage like that...why the hell get married in the first place!!

Anonymous0381 Anonymous0381
26-30, F
4 Responses Feb 10, 2010

I heard once, well read once that the world doesn't prevent us, we prevent it, meaning, we create our own obstacles the world doesn't do that to us....so all I am saying is try to look at it a different way, concentrate on not being stuck...tell yourself you are NOT STUCK rather than feeling STUCK , feeling there is no way out, there is always a way, always....Sit back, focus, rethink your path, Don't look at things as obstacles rather remove the obstacles yourself since we are the creator of them anyway (so they say)

Thanks to everyone who responded =).<br />
I've started making a journal. I have listed all the nights that he has drank from the beginning of the month. It also states all of the horribly mean things he has done to me. I am still having an absolute horrible time finding a job, so I have decided to busy myself with other things. He went out tonight with friends, and I sat home with my daughter...so of course I had lots of time to think. We recently got a new puppy (teacup yorkie) and I am going to focus all my time on him. He is show quality, so I am going to start doing that, and taking him to obedience and all other training classes. This sounds absolutely horrible, but I will have to busy myself for long enough, until I have the means of leaving him :(. It's a sad situation really - but I guess keeping this journal makes me realize how much things are not going to change. I think I will be showing it to him someday.<br />
He went out tonight - he left at 6:40pm, he got home at about 11:30. He came stumbling in the door. I was actually relieved that he was stumbling, because I was so worried that he was going to fight with me when he got home, I could tell that he wasn't up for fighting being that incredibly drunk. He then proceeded to get sick, and after wards want to actually talk! He sat there telling me that the people he went out with know how much he loves me and blah blah blah - I'm glad they know, because I sure as hell don't! So now he will wonder why I am mad at him tomorrow, he will say "at least I wasn't being mean" He doesn't understand that asking for hugs every two seconds, repeating everything he says 5 times and stumbling all over the place is insanely annoying, and just adds fuel to my fire...

i'm afraid i can't help much here but **hugs** nonetheless. please, take as many **hugs** as you need :)

It sounds like to some extent you are both stressed completely out, and instead of trying to alleviate that for each other, you are just making it worse. (That sounded blame-y, but it wasn't intended to, I just can't figure out how to word it better.) Are you making strides towards opening your business? If so, sit down and show him what's being done, and how it's eventually planned to pan out. A definite end date for being the sole financial supporter in the house may make it easier for him to accept the cutbacks in the mean time. If it's something that's on hold right now, consider a part time job (and saving up some money...I'm all for trying to save a marriage, but you should always be able and ready to do what's best for your girl). It sounds like you're used to having the confidence that comes with working hard, and maybe that change is showing in YOU as well. It's nerve-wracking to be unemployed. I'm currently going through it, and I often take it out on those around me. I get grumbly and impossible to deal with.<br />
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Anyway, I wish you the best of luck with your school, your endeavors, and--hopefully--your marriage.