Trouble With Short-tempered Boyfriend

Hi

My story in Short.

I am in love with a guy(say X) for about 10 yrs now. We
really love each other alot. But then he is very short
tempered. and when he gets angry he really makes my life
very hard. He abuses me very badly. I thought he is going
to change. and i hoped things will be fine between us. He
gets angry even for insignificant things and makes me
struggle alot. Now I undst that life is not going to
change at all. He is going to be the same.

I have told my parents about my love. And since my family
is very orthodox they are not really happy with what I
said. I can feel that my parents are really hurt and when
i get married to this guy they will have to face alot of
difficulties.

I am having a vey bad time at home and also with X. I know
life is going to be like this. But till this moment I am
not prepared for it. X really loves me alot. I am very
sure about it. But when I think of all that he said to me
when he gets angry I feel terrible. Now I get a totally
negative feel about life. I dont know if he will really
keep me happy after marriage. and definitely i cannot turn
to my parents after all that I have done to them. I am
very confused. I want to stay with X for my lifetime. But
at the same time I dont like lamenting every time he gets
his temper. I want to put my life on a positive track.
Please help.
sd234 sd234
22-25
4 Responses Jul 15, 2010

that is not the life for you, an he cannot give you a good future, come out

There is a reason why X is short tempered. It could be physical (undiagnosed diabetes, for example), it could be psychological (some form of abuse in his background) or it could be spiritual (unwilling to accept responsibility for his moral state). It could be a combination of all three.<br />
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Now, before you marry him, you have power and control. Once you marry him, you cease being a single individual with the power and control of a single individual. Everything in your life will be changed and centered by your marriage.<br />
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If you do not fear for your physical safety (you do not specify what abuse he subjects you to) and if you still want to marry him, you and X must figure why he is short tempered, angry and abusive, and X needs to do whatever it takes to remedy the cause... before you marry him. If you marry him without doing so, your life with him will be unlikely to change and may actually get worse.<br />
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Get X to agree that his temper and abuse are problems. Get X to agree to find out what's causing it. This will mean seeing a doctor, psychologist or minister. Maybe seeing all three, and maybe even starting first with a competent minister who has experience counseling couples.

are u kidding - get a spine and drop him ...... the abuse wont ever stop - trust me, plenty of nice guys out there - why choose someone like him? if you have a track record of picking losers like him, u need to see a shrink to find out whats going on with u....

I can't fathom the situation that you're in, so I'm not going to tell you what to do. But i suggest that you take a look at this website. it's informative, non-judgmental, and may be an eye-opener for you. I hope it helps.Take care!<br />
<br />
http://www.stanford.edu/group/svab/relationships.shtml