My Father Is So Distant; I Just Want To Be Loved

It rips my heart out to talk to my father. He's so distant. I ask him for help, and he won't help me or give me advice. He'll mostly just expect me to figure it out on my own, and then when I screw up, he'll act like I should've known better. How am I supposed to learn if he won't teach me? I try so hard to do everything right, to figure it out, but I can't do this alone. I haven't spoken to my mother in four years because she tries to hurt me. My father and stepmother are there for me sometimes financially, and I'm so grateful. I know that a lot of people don't have even that...but how they don't want to see me when I live only 2 hours away...it kills me. He doesn't like talking to me. He wants his life to be simple, and simple means he wants me to leave him alone. I shouldn't want anything or need anything. And when I screw up, it's my fault alone.

I can't do this alone. But who can replace a father? I desperately wish someone would just buy me a little Hyundai so that my crazy car wouldn't kill me with its brake problems. I see my friends with their nice cars that their parents pay for, and how other people just seem to figure cars out....What's wrong with me?

And even some of the meanest people I know have families who love them and want to spend time with them. Why can't I be loved like that? I'm a 4.0 student, dedicated, nice, caring; I even want to help my family, but they don't want my help. They don't want me to come visit and work on the lawn, or come visit at all. I can't handle this anymore. I don't want to handle it anymore. But who would love me and support me besides my family? I feel so trapped, so helpless. I'm tired of being blamed for things, and I just want to be loved.
SunSpirit SunSpirit
22-25, F
3 Responses Jul 25, 2010

Thank you, both of you. It helped a lot to write it all down and to have people care. I'm trying not to deal with my father right now and to become fully independent of him, financially, emotionally, and geographically....I think it'll help to not feel like I need anything from him. Thanks so much! I hope it's okay if I message you guys later if things explode again. Take care!

I understand how you feel, to have a father who feels your never good enough. If you want to talk to someone, you can talk to me.

Hi I read this and just wanted you to know you can definatly talk to me if you'd like