Passive And Completely Nothing

I know that what I'm doing right now is f*cking crazy and stupid. And I feel like everyone will laugh at me, especially when someone knows me sees me in here, writing this stupid story.

OK. I can't introduce myself like someone to be appreciated or thankful cause I'm not. I just sometimes feel "lost", not to say that, really "lost". But today is different or it feels like it is. I just didn't know what to do and entered Google, said that "I need someone to...". And here is how I got here. First I've found it stupid cause I don't believe that in here people are really sincere. Maybe someone who thinks like me will find my story insincere either but now, maybe you wanna know, it really doesn't bother me. Maybe someone is reading this right now and maybe he/she understands me, somehow.. Somehow, I've got lost. Doesn't matter how, it does matter "now". How I'm feeling and what I am does matter. Sometimes I just think that nobody can understand me ever. But now I'm seeing these post, sincere or insincere, I see people who may be just like me. Probably tomorrow I'll forget what I'm doing right now or gonna delete what I've written. But if someone, just "one" could've read this, I would've posted it. And so on, I'm posting it. I know I didn't obey the rules, I mean I didn't write my actual story. But I'm sorry.

The title just explains it. I'm passive and completely nothing. I'm someone who lives for nothing, who does not respect anything, even her own body.

The fear sometimes takes control but I don't even respect it. Only the "nothing" can do it, right? So, if some "nothing" is reading this, I'm suggesting to be honest with her/himself to her/him. Cause I couldn't be and it seems that I'll never be, too.

The life doesn't suck, what sucks is me. It's nothing. I can't even die, commit suicide, kill myself, what you call doesn't matter. Cause I've tried it for too many times and I can't even manage to die. How kind of person can do it? Or should I have said "can't"?

I'm quite sure that I'm boring either. Is "nothing" boring either?
Jeaquares Jeaquares
2 Responses Jul 31, 2010

You are someone who is beautiful and worthy of love and affection. People on this site are and can be very sincere and honest if you are too. Don't give up into this "nothingness". It'll pass and the sun will shine brighter then before. I don't know what your going through, but I hope that you stop looking down at yourself and keep going. I know its easy to say that, but if you stop fighting then what? Who will fight for you and the things that you want?? Nobody else, but you. On this site you will find encouragement and real friends even if your a block, street, town, city, state, or even a country away. We will be here to listen, chat, laugh, cry and do it all over again...if that's what it takes to help you out. So try to smile and know that some people do give a damn!!!!

are you..., you like sincerity, so i will be sincere. at first i thought you were dumb and stupid, because you feel that way...but it's because i don't want you to live like that or feel that way. because i used to live like that. lost and nothing. i used to think i was living my life for somebody else because i didn't matter enough. i couldn't stand living life for me....not for something like me. i didn't care much if i lived or died. or so i thought. it was like you were frozen in ice. nothing mattered much. i wanted to be nothing. a robot, someone else. anything but me.....but there comes a time in your life, you have no options. it's either you kill yourself or you change how you live. obviously you decided to change. things to happen on accident you know....i'm sorry i don't know how to word what i'm trying to say right. i wish you could see me just for one moment, so you can see that i'm being honest. your story made me cry, even if that won't mean anything to you, but it did, i don't want you to live your life miserable. i don't want you to live locked away in a world that's not true. out of 6 billion people in the world, you think no one would understand????? everyone has gone through pain before..... even if they forget it often. if i was honest i could say that i am still....too scared, too....undeserving to live my life and go for my dreams, that is why i'm not going anywhere now. but slowly i have to get there. because how you die matters. how you live matters too. look, you didn't come to this world to live a life according to what other people think. even if they think you are stupid for writing this, it won't be the end of the world will it? i want to know what sucks so much about you. what is so sucky that you can't even bear? are you even really boring? i've met someone boring before....but they still have you aren't a puppet, you are a human being. you have felt emotions before, you might not be strong enough to face them yet, but you have. you have been joyous and in pain, just like everyone else. and i don't want you to forget that. i want to know if you are really a sucky person. a nothing. i want to know. i know you are scared to be....alive. you are scared to have an identity and be a real person. you are scared to live footprints in your life. but a single person can help so much.... i helped someone before, and afterwards it felt i couldn't accept that i came in to someone's life for a purpose. i used to think that i was just born to help my ex best friend to achieve her dreams, but i wasn't. i'm not sure what that has to do with anything. and sorry if you got lost because i change things i'm writing fast. maybe you can't respect your body now, but trust me....whoever puts us all on this earth, did not put us on this earth so that we could destroy ourselves. ! there are worse people living out here, maybe even me. and that is what i most hate, being, thinking that i'll turn into a horrible person. but you are something. you made me cry and sit here, writing to you. and it made me feel better and good about myself. "nothings" can't do that stuff can they. it might be weird to you, but i feel like if i knew you we would be friends. weird huh? i hope you write to me back, proving to me that you are nothing and boring.