Hope Some One Can Help.

I am married to a cop. He is emotionaly, sexualy and physicaly abusive. I dont know to do. He wont let me have friends, and rarely get to talk to my family at all. I tried leaving once before and with him being a cop and with his connections that he is able to use he found me in 48 hours. I am in need of getting a new identity. I know that if I could change my social security number and get a new identity that I have a better chance of getting away from him. I have signed up for a fake email address and I will check it randomly here at the local library. If any one at all knows a way for me to assume a new identyy please HELP ME. I am scared for my life. I am 27 years old and I know that if I dont get out soon I  may never. PLEASE HELP ME. PLEASE...


Thank you,
Scared in the South

scaredme scaredme
26-30, F
13 Responses Jul 31, 2010

Read the free online book HOW TO BE INVISIBLE at: http://www.canaryislandspress.com/index.cfm/page/htbi2000<br />
<br />
JJ Luna is an expert on Privacy, worked for me... I got the heck out of dodge myself.... sometimes you have to go further that what a womens shelter can do or even has knowledge of... <br />
<br />
hope you are ok, let us know you are if you can...

Read the free online book HOW TO BE INVISIBLE at: http://www.canaryislandspress.com/index.cfm/page/htbi2000<br />
<br />
JJ Luna is an expert on Privacy, worked for me... I got the heck out of dodge myself.... sometimes you have to further that what a womens shelter can do or even has knowledge of... <br />
<br />
hope you are ok, let us know you are if you can...

For the best info, go to www.abuseofpower.info. It's the website run by Diane Wetendorf who's the only one I know of who strictly works with women abused by cops.

Hi,<br />
<br />
I hope that your life is better now...<br />
<br />
If not, build your confidence, get stronger... get a good profession if you don;t ahve one. get a good job etc. <br />
<br />
You husband will treat you differently you you will be able to rise yourself up. <br />
<br />
In general, you need to end your marriage, First, get strong and that get your freedom back.<br />
<br />
You can talk ato me any time,<br />
<br />
Natalia<br />
ns5678@hotmail.com

what state are you in?

A womens shelter is not a scary place. they can help you financially and to get out of there. They offer support, guidance and care about you. Most of the women who work there are there because they want to be and dont get paid. You can get help there.<br />
I added you as my friend and you can talk to me whenever you want to.

Sorry that I have not been able to get online. I have limited resources and I can only get here to the library when I can break a way. Lucky for me I live close so I can walk here. i apprecaite everyones advice. As for me standing up to him. I CANT DO THAT. He will overpower me. I have attempted that before and it just made things worse. I honestly feel that my best bet is to leave. I have only one family member here in my state and I know that that would be the first place that he would look and I know he would find me. Just this past Friday I did something wrong and he hit me. I have a small bruise on my face and a busted lip. I really am afraid for my life. One of these times its not going to be a small bruise and busted lip, a sprain, a black eye its going to be something much much worse. I am AFRAID... I miss laughing and being happy. I want to be able to work and have friends and go places. I miss haveing a life. I know if I dont get away I may die here. <br />
<br />
Thats the only family that I have contact with. I do have a cousin that I havent spoken to in many years. She is on my fathers side of the family that I didnt really know and I know that he has no knowledge of her. She is 3000 miles away from here and I would be willing to pick up and go there at any moment, the only problem with that is that I would need a new identity before doing so. With him knowing my full name, my social security number, my birthday and all the person info that he has he would find me in no time no matter how far I went. <br />
<br />
If there is anyone that could give me a place to contact, ( it would be better if I could do it online for I dont have a way to call and I dont want to get anyone else involved or give him anyways to be able to find me or track me) I would really appreciate if anyone could help. <br />
<br />
(I dont want to seem raciest either, but if there is someone out there that knows a way for me to get a new identity please let me know. I am at the end of my rope here and I am limited. <br />
<br />
<br />
PLEASE HELP...

Unfortunately, SABLE, which was THE organization for women in your position, doesn't seem to be around anymore. You are in the greatest nightmare of a situation, and I'm sure you'll be wise enough not to date an officer again--the majority of them are fine citizens I'm sure, but this happens often enough and it's scary. Who would have thought that those who are supposed to "serve and protect" would act like this. One day when you can look back at this and chortle a little, remember that Officers are tested before they qualify for training. They are disqualified if their I.Q.'s are too high. <br />
<br />
Find the nearest crisis shelter, and they should be able to help you find a way to get away and protect yourself--resources vary by location. If the local group can't help you, call the national domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799 safe. Here is a link to their site as well: http://www.ndvh.org/

You must be really scared and unsure of what to do. The good news is that you want to leave. I'm sure your family would be upset if anything happened to you so maybe you could contact them for support. Not all family members are supportive but if yours is, then it would be good to get them to help you in a discreet manner. Hopefully you do not have children which will make the break a little easier. I was once with an abusive husband but I had small children. It was difficult to separate from that situation because I would trick myself into thinking I should stay and sometimes I would think i should leave. It sounds like your husband may be controlling all the household funds too which is another form of abuse. If you have a job though, maybe your employer should be aware of the situation. You may also want to document the incidents via police report if you feel it safe. You may also want to consult an attorney, the city prosecutor and the department detectives who put together these cases. Prosecutors need evidence or they can't really do their jobs. Go to the county if the city is to risky. If you don't feel safe doing this though, you may want to seek out a shelter through a local church and they will help you. If you are in a small town then you may need to go to a larger city for this. Reach out to those you can trust, don't let him keep you isolated. That is what he wants! He's obviously a stressed out cop that also has issues. Not a good combination. Best wishes!

I'm not sure what to all tell you I hope someone else can

Your situation is the reason domestic violence hotlines and battered womens' shelters were invented. Many of these safehouses also offer free and/or reduced-price legal resources. They are well aware that police officers can also be batterers. They will believe you and will be able to take steps to protect you.<br />
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Would your family members support your leaving? You can slow down his finding you if you leave town in a different car and use cash or someone else's credit card.<br />
<br />
Good luck to you.

Can a librarian help you get away? honestly, i would move cities. but that can be hard, if you don't have money. you don't have money anywhere? you don't have a family somewhere else? i would ask for a loan from the bank and leave that day. look into abusive centers around you. they might help. or look for a shelter. and you can't report him....just because he is a cop, it doesn't mean that he will be righteous. and you can't lie that you are pregnant? and on a "visit to the doctor leave?" Not to be racist but a spanish person might know where to get an identity change at. You are very courageous to want to leave!!!!!!!! would you rather smell the air free and die trying? or live there? if you rather leave no matter what, do it. but plan it carefully. google on how to escape safely. people escape from jail, i'm sure you can escape him...you are really being strong right now. keep going!!!!!!!! maybe that is the only i can do for you, but please, don't die like this! be free again, get away from him. contiune being strong!!!! and i'll pray that you can get away. command your angels to help you again. i'm sure that they will help you. trust me. pray to your gaurdian angel and your angels. even if you aren't christian. i'm not really either, but i know that they will help. keep fighing!!!! aja aja fighting! that's a saying in korean to keep going, no matter what! people in concentration camps escaped, so you can too. i believe it. can you write to me, when you get out? take care. it will be alright.^_^ and i'm not just saying that.<br />
-Jennifer

move to another country as fast as you can