I Am So Lost...

I am 27 yrs old and I am married with 3 children. I got pregnate with my first child at the age of 18 and stayed with the man. I married him January 5 2003. I am so lost. I have feelings that I dont understand and have no one to talk too. I cant talk to my husband bc he doesnt listen to me and it seems like he doesnt care. I am so over whelmed with life that I just wanna scream!! I dont know how to do anything right. All I ever hear is how I dont take care of my home good enough or my kids or my husband. I feel worthless and I am very disappointed in myself. I uesd to have a feel for life and its just not there anymore. I used to care about what I looked like and took very good care of myself. Now am lucky if I change out of my pajamas in the morning. I just have such a hate of myself. I just dont know whats wrong with me. I used to think it was depression but now I am just not sure. I just want myself back and to become the mother and wife my family deserves. If I cant take care of myself how can I take care of them. My marriage is headed to a place that is not good. I am afraid that I am headed to a divorce and my life is just falling apart around me. I feel like I am holding up a mountain and there is a landslide. I tried to get into a chat room to talk to someone but it seemed like everyone in it was worried about sexin someone or somethng I am just not into!! I am worried that if I dont get some help that my kids will grow up resenting there mother bc I didnt do all I couldve done for them. I love my husband soo much but I cant be who he wants me to be. He says he loves me but I feel that he has cheated on me but I am not sure about it. I do know that he went and found another woman compainen (friend) to talk to. He swears it is nothing more then friends but I cant blame him bc its all my fault that he had to go somewhere else. I am not good enough for him. I know that. I just wished I was. Well I could go on all nite but I will stop myself. Thanks for listen to me
lacyhall27 lacyhall27
3 Responses Sep 16, 2010

I met a man on the internet in a music room. We talk for over a year to two years we got close and he seem he loved me and wanted me to come to his state. I came to his state and i sold everything I had to come to hi. I lost everything and now he wants me to leave after i give up eveything even my life insurance policy,my car my house and now that he found out i was iinto some money after years he just married me to get it now that its prolonged to get it he wants me to leave. and I am alone in this state i don't go nowhere to make friends. He has hit me called me old and ugly and I am just sick all he wanted was the money! Oh I feell so aloneeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

wow you sound a lot like me.<br />
I also agree find someone to talk to and that can include your husband.<br />
<br />
Have you ever told him what you just wrote?<br />
I just had a long conversation with my wife about my feelings of worthlessness, feelings that she may leave/cheat on me with one of the 'younger" , "more motivated", "not ugly" looking guys she now works with. That conversation as well as doing for ME not just working for the kids, wife , family, but working out for me, and looking into getting back into school has helped me feel better.<br />
Good luck to you!

You need to find a counselor and talk to them about these issues. Either that or if you go to a church find a counselor through the church NOT the paster or priest there. This is a deeper and a longer on going problem than what they can deal with. That's just my opinion. I don't think it is a hopeless of a situation as you are feeling. Do something now before you sink deeper in despair. Good luck.