Stressed Out And DepressedI feel really awkward for posting this, but I have no one to talk to.
My husband is a Marine and I don't get to talk to him much at all. I've gotten to see him a total of two months since we've been married. We've been trying to have a baby for about 2 years now, and I got pregnant about 7 months ago. Back in late November of 2010 ~at 13 weeks~ I had a miscarriage. Doctors told me that I can't have children of my own because theres too much scarring and getting pregnant again could cause me to have internal bleeding and be very dangerous for both me and the baby. I was abused when I was younger, which caused most of the damage. We've tried to adopt several times, but agencies are too expensive and international adoption hasn't worked either. We have all the means to provide a loving home for a baby, but agencies won't really work with us because he's out of the country, our age, and we've only been married a year. A private adoption fell through because the day we were supposed to sign the legal papers the birth mother had an abortion. She was supposed to be a friend.
I'm working full time, am in college, and volunteer trying to keep myself busy so I won't think about it, but I can't help it. I want a baby so badly. I can't eat and only sleep a couple of hours every other day because I dream of having a baby. I'm so depressed I think I'm losing my mind. I'm only 19 years old, but I've had more bad experiences than many people twice my age. Is it too much to ask just to have one wish finally come true? Why do people judge me because of my age so much? Age is just a number to me.