Stressed Out And Depressed

I feel really awkward for posting this, but I have no one to talk to.

My husband is a Marine and I don't get to talk to him much at all. I've gotten to see him a total of two months since we've been married. We've been trying to have a baby for about 2 years now, and I got pregnant about 7 months ago. Back in late November of 2010 ~at 13 weeks~ I had a miscarriage. Doctors told me that I can't have children of my own because theres too much scarring and getting pregnant again could cause me to have internal bleeding and be very dangerous for both me and the baby. I was abused when I was younger, which caused most of the damage. We've tried to adopt several times, but agencies are too expensive and international adoption hasn't worked either. We have all the means to provide a loving home for a baby, but agencies won't really work with us because he's out of the country, our age, and we've only been married a year. A private adoption fell through because the day we were supposed to sign the legal papers the birth mother had an abortion. She was supposed to be a friend.

I'm working full time, am in college, and volunteer trying to keep myself busy so I won't think about it, but I can't help it. I want a baby so badly. I can't eat and only sleep a couple of hours every other day because I dream of having a baby. I'm so depressed I think I'm losing my mind. I'm only 19 years old, but I've had more bad experiences than many people twice my age. Is it too much to ask just to have one wish finally come true? Why do people judge me because of my age so much? Age is just a number to me.
Hanker2010 Hanker2010
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 5, 2011

Wow you're story is so sad, but you have to push on. You are still young, and you will have plenty of time to get yourself a child. You just have to be patient. I know it is hard, pushing forward day by day, but you can't let your life revolve around this one thing. You need to move on. Tell yourself you WILL have a child, be it now, or in a few years. I know you want one now but I think that the best thing to do is just persevere. You are a strong woman, I can tell. Your husband probably misses you very much. Not only do you have to be strong for yourself, you have to be strong for him. It can be a great burden being the fiancee of a military man, but know this: You have one of the greatest honors in this world. You're husband is a good man, and I am sure that once he returns home, you will both get the child you so much desire. I wish I could talk to you personally, but just know that the people who love you are there for you, even if its not physically. I know you'll make it through this. I have faith in you.<br />

Oh my! I will talk to you about anything and everything. No problem there.<br />
I may be old fashioned, but I believe in being a gentleman.<br />
I wrote a couple of stories lately that I think you may like. One is called, "Heart Of A Woman".<br />
The other one I called, "Baby Birds and Strawberries".<br />
When you get a chance to read them let me know what you think.<br />
I wrote them because I wanted to cheer someones heart and make their day special.<br />
I am a romantic and I believe in chivalry.<br />
If you want to friend me that would be good then we can chat easier.<br />