It's Never Bad Enough To Warrant Listening To Me Anyway...

Probably the worst thing about having mild to moderate depression is that it invariably happens that whenever you're in one of your more dark places, you have to bite your tongue to your friends/family because there always seems to be someone worse off at that moment. So you keep quiet and refuse to reach out and vent because they OBVIOUSLY have it worse than you right now and you wouldn't want to bring hem down further by trying to use them as support. So instead, you smile and nod and listen to whatever is troubling them this time, offering the best advice and support you can all the while you yourself are dying and screaming inside. But you're a good person, so you would never expect quid pro quo from them, turning around and expecting them to listen to YOU. Heavens, that would just be rude. So another opportunity missed again.

Tuva Tuva
31-35, M
20 Responses Aug 9, 2011

Well, I'm sorry that it got so bad for you that all your bottled up emotions came out against your sister. I guess I'm fortunate that that particular thing hasn't happened to me yet, but I know the feeling of having so much pent up emotion because no one wants to listen to you or offer help. They just want to keep focusing on themselves and once they've finished spewing everything out to you they leave you hanging.

I know how you feel. Somehow whenever I tried to get some help (in the past) I'm the one giving them the help they needed. I have been suppressing my feelings until it got to the point that I would burst anytime. When I did, it was disastrous. I hurt everyone, I physically hurt my sister too because she couldn't shut up and I hurt myself too because I exploded and hurt everyone even when I didn't want to. I regretted ever hurting them especially my sister. What I did to her was horrible but I couldn't say I'm sorry. I'm a coward.

Well, that's exactly what I've been trying to find in those around me, but it invariably backfires on me. I wish I didn't have to come to online sites and seek solace in strangers, but whether it's here or in real life, I just cant get out what I need to say without driving people away or ******* people off. I appreciate your words, though and I thank your for your advice.

Same with any illness. There is always someone out there "worse off". But each of us has different coping levels so what may be "easy" for one may be a monumental challenge for another. This is why I compare no one. Each is unique. Don't feel that way. I am a Healer. Not laying on of the hands but a good portion of what I do requires not hearing but actively LISTENING to what others have to say, not jumping to conclusions but letting them express themselves and helping them get rid of negative energy and replace it with positive. Never feel you are alone. HUGS!

I guess in those cases we're forced to stand on our own two feet, no matter how hard it is to remain upright.

I feel for you. It seems everybody comes before me.<br />
When you're a crutch, what can YOU lean on?

I'm sorry. It does suck, doesn't it?

Yeah Im going through this problem too

many here will talk with you

I used to think that way too, but it's been slim pickings lately.

Well, sometimes I feel that, but other times I feel that opening up to someone else, WILL make it worse, especially if they resent you for it. It's a fine balancing act, one that I still haven't mastered.

Keeping it inside i believe will not help you it will just delay it. Step up and say nothing will make ot worse than it is right now

It's ok. I think a LOT of people can relate. Plus, when the person you want to talk to is actually in a good mood, you still feel bad for unloading because now you're ruining their good mood. :/

You're welcome. Sorry that you have to feel this way too and hopefully it won't always be that way for you.

Well said. This is exactly what I have been feeling lately. I keep quiet and keep listening to their problems because it seems that mine isn't such a matter compared to them. While in fact, it hurts me inside, I'm screaming inside, begging just for someone to listen to me. Thank you for sharing this one, Tuva.

Yes, sadly they are, but sometimes I still have hope that I will find those rare few in this world.

real friends are far between for some reason any more we have become a world that just uses others then throws them away

Yeah, I realize that. They were never really my friends to begin with, and right now I have no friends, so I guess opening up to people isn't an issue with me right now. But you're right. A REAL friend will listen to you, no matter what. Unfortunately, I have yet to find that in my life.

if you feel others feel like thatyou need new friends<br />
if a freiend has an issue youtalk witht hem and you listene to what they to say and yougive feed back good or bad

The problem is that no matter how I approach it, my experiences have always involved people that ARE offended that you are trying to steal their "thunder" when they are down and refuse to acknowledge my pain. Apparently, EVERYONE in the world has it worse off than me, or so I would be led to believe. I guess in the grand scheme of things, I don't have it so bad, but that doesn't mean that I FEEL bad sometimes.

I dont think that keeping it all inside is being a good person to yourself.. I won't be surprised if one day you'll burst and may hurt the feelings of others. If you want to be "GOOD" then be true to yourself. Im' not saying that you should demand them to listen to you, just make it a two way conversation share your downs and ups and vice versa, who knows it may even improve your relationship with them, and when it does then there wont be a missed opportunity.