I'm 20 Years Old and No One Understands Me, I Just Don't Get It

I am a 20 year old college student who also works full time as an architect, I graduate in May, I turn 21 in May, I just inherited a house, and I'm decent looking, I used to be a model at one point in my life but gave that up among a million other things I started and never finished. The point I'm trying to make is that the description of my life seems pretty good, on paper, but the reality is life is no fun without other people and I can honestly say I don't have a single friend, not a single one. I have many aquaintences, but absolutely no one I could just call up and talk to. No one understands me at all. I'm very shy until I get to know someone and I even just met a guy who I'm currently dating who I really like but I don't think it's going to work out and it's because of me. I honestly don't know if I'm just a freak or if there are other people out there who feel the way I do. My biggest issue is the respect of women and more importantly, me. Like I said I'm a 20 year old college girl, most girls like me you'll see on an episode of Girls Gone Wild or something. And that just drives me absolutely crazy. The best example I can give is why I'm writing today. I have a history class with my boyfriend and we recently got back from a weekend in Montreal Canada, a big party town. One of his friends is also in our class and he went to Montreal at some point recently too. He starts asking us if we went to any ***** clubs, immediately my blood starts to boil, why would he ask that in front of me? I find that so disrespectful, and I can't even look my boyfriend in the eye right now (we barely started dating like 2 months ago, I hardly know him I guess). Anyway, my bf just laughs and starts asking him where he went etc. The other kid laughs too and tells him he even got his girlfriend to go with him. I don't know, just writing about it almost brings me to tears. Why do I take that stuff so personally? But at the same time isn't it ok for me to feel like I shouldn't have to listen to that kind of crap? I mean they are talking about going to a place where naked women dance around for money? Why is this so socially acceptable? I just don't get it? Sometimes I get so depressed because I feel like I will never find someone or some place that it's ok to feel the way I do. You can't even watch a movie now a days without topless girls being everywhere. Why do girls my age feel like it's ok to throw themselves around like that? Don't they realize that guys have absolutely no respect for us anymore? We're just something to look at and have sex with and I hate it. Sometimes I think I should get counseling, that this is all just a problem I have myself. But my brain tells me otherwise, there once was a time when nudity and sex was not everywhere, and where guys were gentleman and didn't talk about that kind of stuff around women. I mean a counselour would tell me guys will be guys right. And I understand that, I mean I like hot guys too. But at the same time, it's just so damn hurtful, everytime your bf looks at **** or talks about strippers he's basically telling you that you are not enough for him, you're not pretty enough or sexy enough and he wants to literally have sex with that other person. I just don't get why people think that is ok. Like I said, on occasion I look at guys and think oh my god he is smoking hot, but I would never ever say anything in front of my bf because it's just mean, but guys don't seem to care. I haven't known my boyfriend for very long but I do really really like him, but when he does stuff like today it just bothers me so much I don't think we're right for eachother. At the same time, is there any man alive out there who is the way I would want someone to be? Should I stay with someone I like a lot even though sometimes he makes me feel so crappy? This is why I have no friends, college guys (and a lot of adults) all talk about women in a sexual, demeaning way all the time and it makes me so uncomfortable I can't be around them. Do they really respect me so little that they don't care that I'm present? And girls too, girls for some reason think it's no big deal, I hate it. I think about moving sometime, getting out of the super sexed up U.S. but it's the same everywhere else, worse even, prostitution is legal in some countries and people are nude on the beach. Sometimes I wish I was a stupid ditzy girl who loves to take off her shirt at every opportunity and make out with other girls just to turn guys on, but why should I have to be like that? I don't think I can change, I don't know what to do. What is wrong with me!!!

valerii22 valerii22
18-21
21 Responses Mar 24, 2008

The *********** industry took off in the 1990's because of technology advancements like the VCR, DVD etc. Drug use also increased. Inhibitions went down. This had benefits for society in the form of homogenization of cultures and therefore less overall conflict among citizens in society. However, people now believe all things are acceptable whether logical or not. People have to be trained to act a certain way otherwise they won't. They will almost always take the easiest most pleasurable route.Training people to act correctly or morally will always be undermined by those who wish to profiteer from societal decadence. The consequences are devastating for these lifestyles in that people are dying from drug overdose, disease, and apathy which can lead to the destabilization of countries,war, and or complete anarchy.

okay, slow it down. you don't sound 'decent looking'. you sound beautiful.

Val. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having morals. And thats what its called that you have. Also you have a conscience which tells you right from wrong. With these two qualities it makes you 1 in a million. The reason youre not 'feeling it' in your relationship is because youre not truly 'in love'. Ive been marrried twice and both times tried to tell myself i was in love. Just because she was hot, or popular, all the reasons i told myself i was in love wasnt the things that made me happy in a soul mate relationship. When and if you find your soul mate partner uou will instsntly know without a single

Sounds like you spend a lot of time talking about yourself, which can be quite boring and a turn-off, no matter how good you look (or think you look).

when i go to a party, im not usually the life of the party either. you are the mature one here, and let me tell you- this will pay off in the future. all the ***** n hoes your around are going nowhere, except the corner of lakeshore ave. it seems as if you have grown up mentally and emotionally. if you arent comfortable with your body? so be it. who cares. love is a natural thing. you cannot go looking for it. in fact do not go looking for it, because it will make it that much harder to find it. just live your life slow and have fun with it, and one day you will understand what i mean. you may think im full of **** now, but please trust me on this. love will come.

Don't worry not all guys are like that. I sometimes feel the same way when my friends start talking to me about those kinds of things. Women are very special and should be treated that way. You can't ever force a man to respect you, just let them know how you feel and he can decide the rest.

Honestly...<br />
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The world is just f---ed up. People just wanting to have fun, thinking it's all right to use sex and women to make their miserable lives a little less miserable.<br />
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It's the biggest moral excuse that man has come up with, "everyone else is doing it, so why can't I..." or "everyone seems to be doing it, so it can't be wrong."<br />
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Valeri...nothing's wrong with you. It's just that everything is wrong with the world. And a few people, including you, have a front row seat to watch it all unfold. That's why you feel your not having fun...your not a participant, your an audience.<br />
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So what your doing right now is your standing up from your seat, tired of watching them have their "fun", and just walk away...hoping to find your own friends, true friends.<br />
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And I think judging byhow many comments and support you received for your post...your not alone after all.<br />
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Never ever doubt yourself again...the world need people like you. Integrity and character...<br />
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"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing."

You are my Soul Sister!!<br />
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I, like you, am a 20 year old college student, and I know EXACTLY what are you talking about. I do not understand why young women now a days disrespect themselves the way that they do, and personally I find it Disgusting. As for the man issues, all I have to say it use what those guys say to make you stronger. When someone says that I cannot due something just because I am a female, I make it my mission to prove them wrong. While other girls are spending their time parading themselves for the world to see, you have to be strong and set an example for other young women to follow. <br />
If your BF makes you feel crappy, then sweetie you are settling!!!!! Something which far too many women do anymore. You deserve to be happy all the time, and if that isn’t the case now then I think that its time to amend the situation.<br />
We should definitely talk!! I’ll be your friend!<br />
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Stay Strong and don't settle

I just joined this site today. I felt so lame trying to find people to talk to on-line. I'm married and in that sense i shouldn't feel alone but I too don't have friends. Back in high school I had a lot of friend EVEN college! but now I feel this incredible emptiness. I can't talk to my husband about my problems too much. I know I'm a great friend, I'd do anything for a good friend when i had one. I always find myself being picky about friends though because I'm so emotional! What i mean is soo many people in this world are mean! and i simply cannot put up with it. I can't see myself friends with someone who hurts me. You know those friends who make fun of you, or put you down, or give you bad advice. I've always helped my friends out and the worst part is i end up being taken advantage of. I don't know what the secret to having friends is anymore. All i know if i really feel you, just to have someone to talk on the phone with about your guy problems, to listen, to encourage you, to drink hot chocolate while watching sappy movies. Maybe that just doesn't exist i think, but then i realize it MUST because I'm like that and i exist. =/

Listen your still young you have your whole life ahead of you, You need to concentrate on school and quit worrying so much about making a family' Our world is in a critical state and the more education you get the better your life will be' And all you guys that are playing the dating game need to back off' this girl has stated she does not want to be put on a pedestal, so go hunt cougars' somewhere else' To many people like you guys get women preggy then turn tail and run or just freak out because your to imit ure and uneducated to no better.

Guys and girls like you and I are hard to find.... You just need to hang tough and explain to your friends and boyfriends your feelings.

dont give into it. fight for what you believe in cause you seem to have your head screwed on right. dont ever doubt yourself. you some like an amazing well grounded person who refuses to give into the madness of this world but still is humble enough to look inside yourself and wonder if it is you or the others that surround you, that are wrong. well let me tell you, you are right. you sound mature beyond your years. you will just have to stick it out until the other bimbos your age grow up and realize whats right and whats wrong.

My goodness! So much wonderful advice..all the things I would say and then some. I agree with most and then more of what you discussed. <br />
I too feel as though there is not enough respect for woman in the world.<br />
Globally there are targeted steps being taken to improve this....It starts at HOME! Does anyone remember "Children learn what they live"<br />
If you see your Father, Brother,Uncle,Sister,Mother, ect. treat women with disrespect then you will...<br />
a) feel it is acceptable and respond the same way (b u man or woman)<br />
b) find it repulsive and yet , don't stop others from doing it.<br />
c) you find it morally reprehensable and stop any form and remind any and every person that you don't tolerate it.<br />
<br />
Myself I was always the C student!<br />
On a lighter note:<br />
You are so AWESOME~**I have a single son*** lol

Ah. I completely agree with you. I am also looking for proper girls like you...It seems there is no place in the United States for people with proper family education. Those liberal girls really annoy me...presenting themselves out like that. Maybe that's why there are so many social problems? If everyone treated everyone with equal respect, there wouldn't be any problems. It also seems as though everyone is completely involved in sex. Whatever happened to abstinence?<br />
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If you seriously don't like the ways of your boyfriend, break up with him. Seriously, you would get into more situations that would just make you even more uncomfortable. You might even lose your virginity at some point. Pull out before you are corrupted by the modern world.<br />
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Communication works...if there was something to communicate in the first place. It seems you are sort of forced in your relationship...Hm. Not good. I suggest that you think it over, and if you really think you aren't compatible, end it. There is always someone for you^^.<br />
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Again, don't let other people intrude upon your moral values. Never, ever. I could tell your parents worked hard to give you a proper education, and you should preserve it. Just because society is corrupted does not mean you have to give in to society's indecent advances. Protect your grounds, and your beliefs. I am behind you...at least. You are absolutely correct. There is nothing wrong with you. You have followed your human instincts, not your animal instincts.<br />
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In the end, the decision is in your hand. Above, are simply my comments. Protect your beliefs...you are not incorrect. You aren't lonely...there is someone waiting for you...always^^...<br />
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Always believe in yourself!

I am gonna disagree with most of these comments. I want to just give you something to think about. I think anytime something provokes strong feelings of anger or frustration, like you might be feeling about situations of disrespect, these feelings should be given some time to shed a little light on. Not to say guys can't say or do things often time deemed as ignorant or insensitive but if you find that you are really "going to a place" with being disrespected or disregarded maybe a point of contention for you. A sensitive string that already exists because of past experiences and it is difficult to handle if someone even remotely breathes on that string, let alone pluck it. Just a thought.

I understand the point that you are coming from. I would say that there is nothing wrong with your views or concerns. But, I will also say that you are mature person and you will have to learn how to deal with these things, they will come up in all arenas in life. The biggest point that you will have to learn is how to socialize and befriend people without imposing your views and concern on them. <br />
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I totally understand your point. But You have to understand that everyone is not you, and everyone does not have your views or concerns. <br />
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If you impose your views and concerns in every social arena or gathering you are in you are going to begin to dislike people because they do not share your views. <br />
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the challenge to this is how to deal with this and still befriend, or associate with someone. Now this is not at all recommedation to get rid of this boy friend. <br />
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In a relationship communication is clear. you will need to politely and calmly communicate with your boyfriend your concern. Tell him how you feel, Dont fuss at him to change or operate under your views. <br />
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If you are serious about this person they and you will have to become open minded. This is the only way to find common ground. Let me say that men may laugh and say something. But this can be far from what they believe.

Wow, I gotta say you have a wounderful life. Maybe you have to open your eyes to see that you are blessed in so many ways. We all have problems in life we complain we live on our bad stuff but we never look on the good stuff that happens to us. We complain about the bad stuff but never talk about the good things. Our lives are the best things we can have and we gotta do the best we could to keep it happy but all we need to do is just keep ourselves happy inside.

My whole life sucks, so I can't give any good advice. I have a man who tells me that he really really loves me and I see him on dating **** sites. I give him awesome sex and much much more, but I guess it isn't enough. I'm in great shape and I have people tell me that I'm beautiful. I just feel like I can't go on another day.

amen! And there is nothing wrong with you. I think you just feel overwhelmed by the size of the city. I lived in Montreal and it is a huge city- you just have to find your place in it, that's all. There are plenty of organizations with decent people in them. Are you still in school? Are you going to McGill? If so I suggest you take a extra course in feminine theory- you will meet not just a lot of cool women but also cool men who appreciate women and also understand that **** is an insult to women.<br />
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Good luck. You sound like a great person to know.

You have a sense of decency that is commendable. All young adults are at the mercy of hormones and social acceptance... a difficult combination at best. It is very hard to be ob<x>jective while swimming mid stream surrounded by the behavior you find so disagreeable. <br />
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Not being of your age group I can only speak from experience, there <br />
are those who go along with the "status quo" for the sake of social acceptance and a lack of self identity and personal acceptance. I think the previous commenter has a good point.. if you can be assertive about your beliefs and stand up for what you feel is "good for you" the respect will present itself. Other people will change their behavior or they won't. If they don't it is time for you to walk away from those relationships. <br />
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I have a friend who I've known since college and she shares a similar<br />
viewpoint about the "demeaning of women" in society. I am not trying to condone vulgar views but the fact that you are so sensitive might suggest a more introspection. In my friends situation she was raised with a combination of religious values that didn't support women in general (a very patriarchal attitude) and a mother who was incredibly critical of women's sexuality. This left my friend feeling as though the entire world was male dominated and all women were defined as either sexual playthings or as a "mother" replacement. She found all imagery of women in any kind of seductive pose whether it was a ad for clothing or a fold out in a men's magazine to be disgusting and demeaning. There are people who don't find this to be so and there is a difference between healthy sexuality and debasement of sexual values. This is something you need to determine for yourself and allow the rest of your peers and the world to have their standards. <br />
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Again, I think it goes back to asserting yourself and speak to your boyfriend clearly about what you need. If he won't make the needed<br />
changes say goodbye.

I don't like how you say at the end "What is wrong with me!" I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You're just more unique and, therefore, more awesome.<br />
I have the same type of problem. I get really uncomfortable when anybody talks about anybody else in a demeaning way. <br />
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I don't say anything, but I don't try hide my disgust when other people talk about it. I noticed that my current group of friends decreased their talking about that kind of stuff when I'm around. Also, I think, they actually like having my uniqueness and me ability to act as a "change of pace agent." Adds some variety.<br />
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Maybe that's something to try.<br />
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But, I agree, where are other people that at least think that demeaning people isn't funny?