My Mother In Law, The German Dictator

Thank you for your post, i appreciated it. But i moved on with my life, to much stress and very little happiness. Thanks for your concern, but it has helped me become a stronger person. Because of it, i'm very glad. I agree with you tomorrow7 on many aspects, thanks again. peach.

Feel sorry for you because she is 'a control freak'. lt is unfortunate that she is your mother in law but remember she has no hold over you unless You Allow it. Just sweet talk her in a 'no nonsense way But go your own sweet way!' do things your way that is your right, never let her see she has any effect on you and eventually her bullying attitude will wear off cos she has no audience with you. Let your husband see 'you are You , you married Him and only him , you will always be there for him and the two of you, so anyone else has to fall in with that fact!. She is an insecure woman.

Think about if your husband hated your family and wanted you to get rid of them from your life. Absolutely ridiculous, huh? MIL can be pains, that's just a fact of life. They aren't evil, they just love their children and sometimes can't let go. Try looking at it from a different angle.

I'm sure you will strongly dislike my post but sometimes we have to just put on our big girl panties, sister. That is his mother and she isn't going anywhere.

Try finding some good qualities about her.

And if I may be so bold... You guys traveling to see her and she needs to give you gas money? Laughable. If she came to your home would you think it necessary to give her money for gas? Or that you need to pay for her tires because of favors?

I have a German mother in law, I'm lucky so she still lives in Germany and I'm in Canada. I agree with you, she probably is mentally controlling him. My MIL did the same. My husband use to go to his weekly whopping's until I told him he could do that on his own......by now 23 years later I have nice conversations on the phone, but she is not allowed to visit here, she did that once and I told him the day he invites her and she get's here he'll drop me off at the airport and I'm going on vacation.

sounds like we are married to the same man mine has a over bearing mum to it drives me nuts she still treats him like a baby

Sometimes there arent enough words to say it. Its a shame she thinks the world is her playground and your husband wont realize that he is supposed to love you above her. Sure were are to respect our elders, but how can you when someone like that is just taking advantage of you left and right?

My ex mother in law was German, lived in Munich. Until my ex moved to the US, she used to break up with his girlfriends for him. When he divorced the wife before me, she told him it was time for him to sleep with someone else...and when he told her he was leaving me, she said oh whatever makes you happy. I heard later that she had been enabling his irresponsibility since he was born. I am lucky though, I don't have to deal with either one of them anymore...

I understand what you are dealing with. My mother has a very controlling,dictatorial personality, and, as a result, I had to learn how to deal with it. I wish you the best of luck in handling your mother-in-law.

We had to move 6 hours away to get rid of my wife's step-mom! It was heaven until they moved aproximately 45 minutes away. We've moved again and she hasn't followed us yet!

We all have mother in-laws and Mothers from hell. When I hear stories it makes me laugh because I know what they are going through even though my problem is not the mother in-law it the MOTHER of all MOTHERS. When things get too intense I just lock myself in my room or I just leave and go do my own thing.

My girlfriend had the mother in-law from hell too. She came up with excuses that the kids had scheduled playdates, games or was feeling sick prior to her arrival and would go to her room. When her husband asked about her avoiding his Mother, "She's your mother you spend your time with her!".

In sorta the same place- wondering how things are going for you now. Saw your claim at the end of your story, that said you were not going to allow her to have that much control over your marriage any longer. Have you taken back what is deserved by both you and your husband?

peachfuzz this site has a support group for your story. Go to the top of the page and do a search for I hate my mother in law, or mother in law from hell.



I was very blessed when I did have a mother in law. She was a wonderful and supportive person and I loved her (she passed and my husband is gone). Your story makes me appreciate what I had more. She taught me so much about compassion and acceptance. It doesn't sound like that's what you have. Some mothers don't seem to be able to cut the apron strings. They encourage their sons to cater to their narcissistic personalities through manipulation and that's so sad. I found with my own son (36 years old), when he started his life that letting go and cutting the apron strings (so to speak) opened doors. Keeping a positive mind helps too, but I feel for you. I wouldn't know where to start. Maybe staying away from her is the best thing you can do....



Is she really ignorant? Or could this ignorance be a front to get sympathy? I'm just wondering...

I can tolerate ignorance to some extent, no i don't hate my husband, dislike would be the word lol

About my previous comment - it is not meant to be racist against German people

per se - but rather is aimed specifically at your mother in law who seems to be giving you no small amount of grief & bullshit and seems like a very selfish & self - centered person. Is it at all possible to persuade your husband to stand up to her? For the

good of your marriage it might be necessary. And those tires on your husband's

car should be replaced immediately.

Send the fraulein back to her Fatherland. Perhaps in her mind no woman is good enough for her son..............except herself!!

I hate his mother and my husband is the idiot to be blunt, though ive thought about that many times.

I completely understand! My MIL is also german and a royal pain in my ***. I gave up trying to be her friend years ago. I would never tell her anything personal about myself-she would only view that as a weakness. She doesn´t think I´m good enough for her son (we´ve all heard that before) anyway, so opening up to her would be a big mistake. And she is the single most selfish person I have ever met. She has my husband doing everything for her.



The only way I´ve "changed the way I react to her" is by consuming large amounts of alcohol as soon as she steps foot on my driveway. She´s an absolute mental case and I´d like to tell her to f*** right off.



Anyway, just wanted to let you know you´re not alone.

Bring on the venting...I´m here for you!

I have severe lumbar scoliosis, the deformity is bracing my heart, and lungs to one side of my body, it's hard to breath and do anything, my surgery is this week. But my mother in law is worried about her doctors appointment and nothing else. Ill be in traction for 6 years, the last thing i want to hear is her needs and wants. months if not yrs a physical therapy, i rest on my ribs on my left side when i sit, the pain is unbearable. Yet she calls un concerned because she thinks she comes first. so sad, i pitty her. I'm looking at recovering so i can be there for my kids and grandchildren, my focus is getting better and acing traction. I'm ready to pull my hair out..

My mother is also German, same way. You have to win her over, if you want your relationship to make it. First off you go to her and tell her you want things to change you want to have a close relationship with her and you have always dreamed since you were little of having a mother in law that you could look at as a best friend. You have to be the one to do this, because she never will do this. German mothers will never admit they have done anything wrong, over reacted about anything, and WILL NOT give in if they feel you are in the least bit putting blame on them. They are in constant fear of losing their family and their control over their kids. Tell her stupid little problems about your relationship and ask her advice and do her advice. she will then feel like you are part of her family and once you are part of HER family, you will be able to voice your concerns and complaints and she will give in to you. But make sure you always say it in a way where what you want is her idea.

I'm sorry for you, that's really horrible. :/

tell ur husband how u feel :I

I'm sorry.