My Mother In Law, The German Dictator

She's one of those people who thinks nobody's good enough for her son, and my husband is whipped by her. Yes a mama's boy. She thought she had the right to know about my marriage, to me it's none of her business. She relies on my husband to do just about anything but breathe and poop for her. She's lives in a different city, so gas has to be figured into this as well as time, yet she doesn't consider either.  Everything point down to what's convenient for her, what she wants. It's not happening anymore. She wants family to come to a dinner, but i know she won't have 12 bucks at the door to help out.! The tires on my husbands car are bald, yet it doesn't seem to phaze her. All of the things he's done for her should cover the cost of new tires. I'm tired of the chaos and constant intrusion of this woman, i want her to take her problems and her ugly self and go away! i know our lives would be so much happier if she just disapeared poof! no more rosella! but for now i'm not letting her controll my marriage and what we do in it again.
peachfuzz68 peachfuzz68
41-45, F
22 Responses Jan 6, 2012

So ,has HE heard all this?
She sounds like a *****, but he sounds like a *****.

You are married to your husband not his mother, tell your husband how you feel, and maybe he can tell her that it is a hardships for him to travel to see her so much, or you could write a letter to her stating. if not then you don't need to visit when he goes, but you can to keep the peace, tell your husband you come first, you are his family, but understand his mother is important too a real man will care for her,
but never neglect his wife in the meantime. Married to German man 20yrs.

A mother who makes other people miserable. I'm pretty sure that miserable people spread misery. If you want to look good in the eyes of your husband help out your step mom. At least you can say you tried to help her before she hung herself from people ignoring her.

Hi peachfuzz68. I hope things are good for you.xx

Thank you for your post, i appreciated it. But i moved on with my life, to much stress and very little happiness. Thanks for your concern, but it has helped me become a stronger person. Because of it, i'm very glad. I agree with you tomorrow7 on many aspects, thanks again. peach.

Feel sorry for you because she is 'a control freak'. lt is unfortunate that she is your mother in law but remember she has no hold over you unless You Allow it. Just sweet talk her in a 'no nonsense way But go your own sweet way!' do things your way that is your right, never let her see she has any effect on you and eventually her bullying attitude will wear off cos she has no audience with you. Let your husband see 'you are You , you married Him and only him , you will always be there for him and the two of you, so anyone else has to fall in with that fact!. She is an insecure woman.

Think about if your husband hated your family and wanted you to get rid of them from your life. Absolutely ridiculous, huh? MIL can be pains, that's just a fact of life. They aren't evil, they just love their children and sometimes can't let go. Try looking at it from a different angle.<br />
I'm sure you will strongly dislike my post but sometimes we have to just put on our big girl panties, sister. That is his mother and she isn't going anywhere.<br />
Try finding some good qualities about her.<br />
And if I may be so bold... You guys traveling to see her and she needs to give you gas money? Laughable. If she came to your home would you think it necessary to give her money for gas? Or that you need to pay for her tires because of favors?

As much as I'd like for her to vanish, i never asked that of him. Until the day she decided to take me out of the picture. I honestly know no good qualities in his mother, it not for the lack of trying to find some.

She doesn't come to my home, gas money isn't laughable when she wants a free ride in life. Everybody pays their way in life, its not coming out of my pocket.

Meh. I try! Sorry she is so evil :(

If my mother caused this much of a problem for my husband i would understand, i believe in Christian marriage. Forsaking all others and cling only unto your wife, a small phrase but the meaning is clear. Shes the one asking for help, she needs to help out if she wants it.

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I have a German mother in law, I'm lucky so she still lives in Germany and I'm in Canada. I agree with you, she probably is mentally controlling him. My MIL did the same. My husband use to go to his weekly whopping's until I told him he could do that on his now 23 years later I have nice conversations on the phone, but she is not allowed to visit here, she did that once and I told him the day he invites her and she get's here he'll drop me off at the airport and I'm going on vacation.

totally understand! lmao!

sounds like we are married to the same man mine has a over bearing mum to it drives me nuts she still treats him like a baby

so sorry to hear this, you deserve much better my friend.

Sometimes there arent enough words to say it. Its a shame she thinks the world is her playground and your husband wont realize that he is supposed to love you above her. Sure were are to respect our elders, but how can you when someone like that is just taking advantage of you left and right?

i know thanks my friend.

My ex mother in law was German, lived in Munich. Until my ex moved to the US, she used to break up with his girlfriends for him. When he divorced the wife before me, she told him it was time for him to sleep with someone else...and when he told her he was leaving me, she said oh whatever makes you happy. I heard later that she had been enabling his irresponsibility since he was born. I am lucky though, I don't have to deal with either one of them anymore...

wish i could say that my friend, i know how you must feel looking back though

I understand what you are dealing with. My mother has a very controlling,dictatorial personality, and, as a result, I had to learn how to deal with it. I wish you the best of luck in handling your mother-in-law.

We had to move 6 hours away to get rid of my wife's step-mom! It was heaven until they moved aproximately 45 minutes away. We've moved again and she hasn't followed us yet!

i'm happy for you, peace is essential my friend.

We all have mother in-laws and Mothers from hell. When I hear stories it makes me laugh because I know what they are going through even though my problem is not the mother in-law it the MOTHER of all MOTHERS. When things get too intense I just lock myself in my room or I just leave and go do my own thing.<br />
My girlfriend had the mother in-law from hell too. She came up with excuses that the kids had scheduled playdates, games or was feeling sick prior to her arrival and would go to her room. When her husband asked about her avoiding his Mother, "She's your mother you spend your time with her!".

Great if you don't mind that she's getting exactly what she wants....You/they are the one who's missing out!

lol laughing is good medicine

In sorta the same place- wondering how things are going for you now. Saw your claim at the end of your story, that said you were not going to allow her to have that much control over your marriage any longer. Have you taken back what is deserved by both you and your husband?

I stopped all communication between them for a while, but i couldn't put myself on her level. I told him he can talk to her but i demanded respect at all times.

Isn't it a shame that it has to come down to that? What bothers me most is the fact that Mothers like that are so selfish as to put their own desires in front of that of their son's or daughter's. That kind of power struggle is disgusting! What purpose does it serve to continue to disrupt the lives of your children? I hope you are getting the respect you deserve.

that meant a lot to me, thanks so much!

My pleasure! I really hope you do!

yes, it makes me literally sick to my stomach.

I know all too well...Been struggling with it for 24 years! Yes, not a typo...24 YEARS. Want to compare stories? I'm full of them.. private message me if you have the time and interest.

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I can tolerate ignorance to some extent, no i don't hate my husband, dislike would be the word lol

I hate his mother and my husband is the idiot to be blunt, though ive thought about that many times.

I completely understand! My MIL is also german and a royal pain in my ***. I gave up trying to be her friend years ago. I would never tell her anything personal about myself-she would only view that as a weakness. She doesn´t think I´m good enough for her son (we´ve all heard that before) anyway, so opening up to her would be a big mistake. And she is the single most selfish person I have ever met. She has my husband doing everything for her. <br />
<br />
The only way I´ve "changed the way I react to her" is by consuming large amounts of alcohol as soon as she steps foot on my driveway. She´s an absolute mental case and I´d like to tell her to f*** right off.<br />
<br />
Anyway, just wanted to let you know you´re not alone.<br />
Bring on the venting...I´m here for you!

thanks so much, means a lot to me

sorry to hear that..

I have severe lumbar scoliosis, the deformity is bracing my heart, and lungs to one side of my body, it's hard to breath and do anything, my surgery is this week. But my mother in law is worried about her doctors appointment and nothing else. Ill be in traction for 6 years, the last thing i want to hear is her needs and wants. months if not yrs a physical therapy, i rest on my ribs on my left side when i sit, the pain is unbearable. Yet she calls un concerned because she thinks she comes first. so sad, i pitty her. I'm looking at recovering so i can be there for my kids and grandchildren, my focus is getting better and acing traction. I'm ready to pull my hair out..

My mother is also German, same way. You have to win her over, if you want your relationship to make it. First off you go to her and tell her you want things to change you want to have a close relationship with her and you have always dreamed since you were little of having a mother in law that you could look at as a best friend. You have to be the one to do this, because she never will do this. German mothers will never admit they have done anything wrong, over reacted about anything, and WILL NOT give in if they feel you are in the least bit putting blame on them. They are in constant fear of losing their family and their control over their kids. Tell her stupid little problems about your relationship and ask her advice and do her advice. she will then feel like you are part of her family and once you are part of HER family, you will be able to voice your concerns and complaints and she will give in to you. But make sure you always say it in a way where what you want is her idea.

Sorry i have no intentions of even talking to her

you're talking about a situation that doesn't involve her trying to take my husband away, as well as the only father my kids had. she has no conscience to speak of, shes a scab.

my relationship with my husband has nothing to do with his mother, i didn't marry her, shes along for the ride. I wouldn't trust her advice at any given moment.

i was meaning her a lone, i have nothing against german people.

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tell ur husband how u feel :I

I'm sorry.

I think shes abusing my husband mentally, for that i have no respect for her, let alone anything else.

you hate the mother in law and the husband??? then why don't you just get rid of both of them? I think that's what needs to happen or you will continue to be unhappy.