Scared And Alone In MyselfI am just really lonely right now. I'm in college abroad and I am realising that I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
I feel like I am surrounded by all this artificiality, and I spend so much time alone and in my head, that I obsess and feel terrible about myself.
I know that I have so much passion and character-- I believe in love, life, art, and the value of being human, but feeling down seems to have become my identity-- I want to have real, meaningful relationships, but I am not in a state to feel like 'putting myself out there' and making friends.
I feel pathetic, and that's what really gets me; because I know the heart that I have, but I'm just not feeling it.
I'm really just reaching out.
I feel like I have no real connections with anyone, and I get so caught up in depressive states in my head, that I feel all this anger and hostility towards myself. I lost my mother 4 years ago, and I miss her terribly. I just want someone to be able to love me and not judge me, not be horrified by the fact that I'm down right now, but just be there for me, and help me feel like I'm worth something in this world.