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...my Soul Is Dying. I Need To Talk To People.

Let me say that I am sorry for the things I am about to say. I just have no one to talk to and I am very lonely. I just turned 25 and I should be worried about finding a job and learning what I want but I am sadly stuck in my house. I am an agoraphobic. It's my anxiety that makes my stomach hurt which makes me very uncomfortable because I am scared to death of throwing up. Something happened where I had the biggest panic attack of my life and had to quick my job and school when I was 20. I've missed weddings, family trips, and worse of all I am missing my life. Anyway I live with my older brother and sister and my mom and dad. Its seemed they have all decided to abandon me, not trying to understand anything I've been going through. I just want someone to talk to. I have no friends anymore and I am a people person. Its so hard to only have the space in the house that is my world but because I have people all around me here and they mostly ignore me I am confined even more to my room. I just want a friendly person to talk to. I feel so embarrassed to even have to do this but I feel like my soul is dying. I need to talk to someone else besides myself. I like the 80's a lot and a lot of 50's and oldies music. I love movies too. I play piano sometimes to release my stress and I like to write children's stories and music. I hope this finds some new friends. Thank you for reading my story.

Michelle
ladylilith ladylilith 26-30, F 99 Responses Feb 16, 2012

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I can so totally relate to your situation I'm sorry you are going through this.. I'm having the same issue right now.. I know its hard to get up in the mornings and everything requires a lot of effort but stay strong.. :)

I read ur story I'm so sorry. My name is Makayla and I'm twelve and tonight my dad was at my house with me my mom and my sisters and he got a call from the doctors I didn't know what was going on but he started crying and I got really sad. :(... Tonight I found out my dad will be dead in two years. Atleast I know how much time I have with him. And i am going to spend as much time I can get with him. I'm so sad. My dads always had the worste luck. It terse me a part. He has had such a rough life. He just wanted to be loved. He was hurting. Don't let your soul die. It can't die. Please don't let it. You gotta be strong. You know I can't just cry everytime I see my dad.
You matter. You know that. Even if they call me ugly, fat, stupid, idiot, lunitic, wierd I still don't care. I ******* HATE THIS WORLD! BUT THATS THE WAY IT IS! WHY THE **** ARE U EVEN THROWING UP?! IM SORRY. I guess I'm more confused then I though

be lucky your siblings are younger than you. So you don't feel even more pathetic

I got bad stuff too, i cant seem to find my family and relatives too friendly and compatible, i got ****** grades so i find it difficult to apply for university, which i haven't been able to got to for a year since my graduation. plus my family doesn't have spirit lifting habits nor brand new ways or destinations to spend the vacation in, its just gloomy, so i sort of banish them in order to feel less sad its a type of confinement too. i never had any sort of a real friend in any point in my life, i never knew which people to get, or what sort of social rules i have to follow. every time i went to a different school i desperately tried so hard to explain my problems to the people around but they seem to pretend as if i've told them nothing. i have always wanted to try being social but i always get discouraged. i never knew which sort of interest i really liked, i dont have any deeply structured interest that i find it fun or useful from the lack of social interaction. i guess im at critical stage and my life hasn't even started. hang in there, i respect your crisis since we are similar, i hope u find a way out im sure its somewhere close; since i cant see a way out for my case.

If you ever need someone to talk to, just message me. You seem like an amazing person.

You sound like a very sweet girl who has had a difficult last few years, if you ever want to chat just let me know and i'll be more than happy.

Your story is beautiful, in its own twisted way. Remember that.

hi

:)
you are a sweet person :)
if you feel low, remember, I'm just around :)

You sound like an amazing person. I am truly sorry you have this condition, and that you cannot change its implications on your life. If that was me i would be neck deep in self-pity. I think you have shown the courage to help get past this and really improve the life you lead. I am not demeaning your condition in any way, i know the difficulties you are experiencing, i just hope you can push on and be happy. I wish you all the happiness and luck on this globe.

HI:-)

hi just wanna say your not alone and if you ever wanna talk or to have someone to listen message me anytime.

i feel the same.. im 23..

My name is Vince. I have been trying to pick up a married woman. Please call me and help save my soul 219-405-5519. I need to find the Lord

wait till you reach 50! you will be surprised how alive you still are. hope you try shifting your thoughts to the good side of your life too :)) it may help

I feel the same. You should repeat saying "I'm gonna be fine" to yourself all the time. I like old music and I play piano too!! gosh we are so similar!!!

Michelle, Please message me if you need to talk because I've been in your situation and I am a great listener

Pete

I hope you are looking for the same thing; just someone to talk to and maybe we can both find some answers to life.

I feel like you. I even have a husband but we don't talk much. Just need a friendly person to talk about life and how to make it feel better.

Hello Michelle my name is David Im new to EP and just like you I need someone to talk to as well. Im going through a divorce after 15 years and i just feel like i need someone to talk to as well. I to feel like my soul is dying. I sure could use a friend to talk to about life in general.

I don't know what you went through at 20.

One of the ways to come out of your fears is to keep taking one step forward at a time, facing the situations where you go through these fears.

Isolating yourself from the world doesn't help, as you start giving more time for your mind to go through the "recollect and recall" process.

You need to get more and more involved in activities that involve constant interaction with people. Most of them may not understand you, but keeping yourself active will help YOU to overcome your fears.

Are you religious? If yes, get involved in the community welfare activities.
If you are not, start on group sports which needs physical activity, and keeps your mind off the thinking process. As your physical body develops endurance, so shall your mind relax.

Before starting any of the above, please do ensure that you meet your doctors and take their advise also, in case you are undergoing any treatment or taking medications for your current situation.

Ive read ur story. and I see where your coming from,it is really painful to loose path sometimes and finding yourself in a place with just plain faces. I will pray for you, to jut be restored socially, to be an active goer, to meet new sincere friends that would continue to inspire you to do land a great job, to have the life that you wanted to have. everyone of us are valuable and worth loving. stay as you are. smile!

Hi michelle lilith. how are things with you?

if i could win ya,if i could sing ya, a love song so divine,would it be enough for your cheatin heart -if i broke down and cried? if i cried?

Lilith hopefully i'm not yet too late to ever respond to you.... been depressed a lot of times and these links surely help me... i have been around ep trying to share these links because i love to share to people what have helped me...hope it helps you too:

http://unshackled.org/listen_home.html
================= click what year
=================contains true stories of people like alcoholics, those on booze,
=================prostitutes, rape victims, etc . and how they become free

http://cbnasia.org/v2/counseling_center
=================they got a chat support..scroll down

:) HAPPY LISTENING

I am allone 2 i wan2 be hold and all that were are you from

I have that same feeling..the anxiety fills me up whenever I want to go out..even to just shop or go to the grocery. I am a single mother with a 17 yr old boy and I live with my mother. No one looks my way in the house. If they do , they act with irritation, seems like they want to leave me alone after a few minutes even if I am just minding my own business. At work, I have isolated myself from my officemates so they shun away as well.. I know what it means to feel that the soul is dying.. I was wonder after reading that there others like..could we have a mental disorder that we are unaware of? I am 48 and even if I am aware I cant help myself and nobody ordinary or normal seems to think I have a problem except that they think its the real me.. but I know its not. What can we do? We must try some steps to move and apply mental exercise shouldn't we? I feel I emit negative energy. is there a way we can all help each other?

U need a friend, I'm here

Oh my goodness, when I read your story I thought someone was writing MY story. Hi I'm 24, live with my parents, worry about not having a job, and hardly ever go out because I am afraid to leave my house too. I get super anxiety and nauseous, I'm nauseous right now and can't really explain it. I live mostly in my room too and no one calls me on the phone anymore.
My soul is starting to die too. I am very lonely. As sad as it sounds my computer has become my best friend and I am bored to death of it. I am sorry and I completely understand your situation.

I am so sorry that you have a similar story. I would not wish it upon anyone. I have read others stories about being agoraphobic and the reasons seem to vary and people continue to treat it like something of laziness or something. I hope one day your brain will click in some way that you will be able to live life again. I hope and pray for that everyday. If you would like to chat I am here. Thanks for making me feel less alone although I wish it was under different circumstances.

You seem like a great person. Highly talented as well, I can just feel the potential you have in yourself. You are highly capable. Everyone is capable, everything in life is mental, you need to set your mind to something YOU think will make YOU happy. Go out there, release stress, do what you love to do. Choose not to be alone, it may sound like its not easy. But if you mentally prepare yourself to be happy, believe me you can do it, Michelle.


-Z

Thank you for your words.