I'm So Sick Of My Life.
I'm a 15 year old girl. I live with my mother and my 7 year old brother. I'm just so sick of absolutely everything. When I was younger and I did something bad, my parents used to smack my butt with their leather belts. My brother has NEVER felt it before. I used to get them all the time when I was 7. He's never experienced it. He's never disciplined by my mom. I'm always the one who'd be blamed. Even when I do absolutely nothing, it's always me who gets scolded. When my mom scolds my younger brother, she always find a way to drag me into the mess. Then she's scold me too. She's always getting mad at me. My brother is such a spoiled pain in the ***. He's always taking my stuff, and whenever we get into an argument, he always scratches me and kicks me. He takes taekwondo, so his kicks and punches are very painful. He ALWAYS gets away with it. But whenever he fights with his nanny, my mom gets really angry. It's just so frustrating that he's allowed to do those things to me, but he isn't with his nanny, a person he isn't even related to. Sometimes, when we argue, I fight back, to try and discipline him. He ends up crying, and I end up grounded. I'm just so sick of life being unfair. My brother is the only boy in the family and he's the youngest among me and my cousins. He's the family superstar (which I was way back before he was born). He's multi talented, he's handsome, he's smart and he's just the pride and joy of my family. I sometimes feel so left out. I have self esteem issues and the like because of this. I have 3 first cousins. One is the eldest, so she has a lot of rights. The second one is older than me by a few months, but she's the pretty and charismatic one. She's popular in school. The third one is two years younger than me. She does ballet and she's been all around the world. It's like I'm the only one without anything. I don't believe I'm pretty, and I have a horrible voice. I can't dance, I can't act. I have no talent whatsoever. My mom and dad are splitting up. Currently, they're not living together. Whenever I get my mom angry, she'd always say, "You want to live with your dad? Huh? Just tell me, cause it seems like that's what you want!" I don't want to live with my dad, but I can't take this anymore. Also, I have a another problem. Let's call my mom's side of the family the Johns and my dad's the Berts. Okay, so I've been living with the Johns for a few years now, and I cannot deny the fact that I'm starting to miss the Berts. My dad is supposed to be the bad guy here and I'm trying to help my mom win her case by supporting her. Meaning I only go to the Bert's house for a few hours, I can't go on outings with them, and I have to make it appear as if I hate them. The thing is I'm starting to miss them. Those summer outings I used to go on when I was younger, hanging out and playing sports with my second cousins, building a clubhouse with my first cousin and much much more. I'm afraid to tell my mom how I feel because Im supposed to be hating the Berts. I'm just so confused and so fed up with everything. Can anyone give me advice? :(