Forever Alone

I'm a 23 year old female, in one week I will be 24, before I begin I will say I realize that's not very old but here goes, I don't want to celebrate my birthday and everyone thinks I'm joking, I don't understand why. I told person why and they just made me feel worst. It's hard to talk to anyone I know. I have severe depression and honestly I feel empty, and my birthday just makes me realize how empty my life is, ie never had a real/serious relationship( not by my choice), I've never seen a guy more then 3 months, that's usually when they just get tired of me. I don't know what I do wrong, and no one seems to want to had insight or tell me how to get a boy to like you. I get told I'm pretty, and have a good personality, but guys don't see me has girlfriend. I only have one close friend, and I still don't tell her how I'm truly feeling. I've been burned a lot, I tell someone my sad thoughts because I think I can trust them, and they usually drop me, I think because what I'm telling them is scary and crazy, I understand I'm having thoughts, I'm sane enough to know they are not normal, they just tell people I'm crazy and stop taking to me. It hurts me Everytime, thats why when someone has a problem I listen because I know it feels to be alone with those thoughts and no one should live like this. I'm kinda the black sheep of my family, I find out everything about my family though other people, they don't invite me to holidays, birthdays or just random gatherings, the reason "I didnt think you want to come. They hate hearing me talk about my depression, and think I'm crazy also, they told me to get over it, I wish I could just wake up and be happy, I fake this everyday of my life. I'm stuck in the job that I don't care for and I don't care for my co-workers. They are not very nice. I'm not very smart, and don't have the money to waste a going back to school. I just feel like I'm in a rut, and I'm empty. When I was little I thought I would be a lot smarter, married and have children, be working someplace that I love with people I love. I do understand, I'm still young or whatever but that's just not how I see it. I'm not where I want to be, I don't know to change my life to make it better or do I have anyone to help me figure it out.
Meldav06 Meldav06
22-25
2 Responses May 5, 2012

Im 21. Ive never been liked by a girl in the boyfriend way. I got distracted and dropped out of school at grade 10, and I dont have a proper job. But I never gave up. I managed to start studying IT, and I work 1 day a week for a little bit of money, stil no girlfriend though. But the point is, dont give up. Change comes naturally or when you bring it. There's ALWAYS hope as long as your alive.

There is nothing wrong in you, dear. You need love, love from a lover. But, you are not like the ordinary public who compromise and accepts anything less than the lover. You are just waiting for the right Man. But, you are confused with your waiting. Is what you do is right or wrong? Don't worry about it, what you do is the best. You are pretty, you are smart and you are wise. So, don't worry about anything and you are doing great. Your thinking of low about you is the problem.