I Love Him So Much But He Cheated

My boyfriend of 9 months cheated on me we live together and I desperately need someone to talk to about this. He swears I am the one he wants to spend his life with but he cheated. Part of me wants to stay the other part wants to just go. I'm a mess and I just need a break from life but I can't. My job won't allow time off I'm trying to finish my samester up in my masters program and I live with him so I can't be alone with my thoughts. I'm 27 and my last relationship was full of lies and pain and I'm at this point where I'm ready to settle down and have a family but I'm so sick of starting over.we were talking about moving away together and I was so excited but now I just feel lost. My boss has begun to phase me out at work to make transition smoother when I leave and now she is treating me like **** because I'm not productive. How can I be when everything i do at my job has been given away. I just feel useless and hopeless and I just want to run away and hide. Why am I so replaceable and dispensable. Why doesn't my heart ever matter? I just want love and trust. How can I have that?
serenity0127 serenity0127
26-30
1 Response May 5, 2012

I know this is hard to hear but men generally fit a pattern where they want to spread the seed around and women generally benefit from a father figure that is capable of taking care of the child. That's created the culture and the rules you see around you and how frequent it's violated. Not that women never do the same thing. The problem I generally have is everything this culture does is try to teach people to take it personally. If someone cheated on you it must be something you did right? My ex goaded me into an open a relationship after 3 years of being with her and I can honestly tell you that after about 3 years I desperately wanted a second partner. Not one to enjoy WITH her, one to enjoy without her and it was totally authorized by her. I LOVED my girlfriend, desperately, it had NOTHING to do with her, but there was just this energy at that poitn that made new things smell really really really sweet.<br />
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If it can be like it was with us I Can summize that it's not a person has a limited ammount of love to give, it's that they have a limtied ammoutn of TIME to give. and ...also there's a million degrees of seperation mentally between the two partners. That is to say I didn't want someone else because I wasn't getting what I needed in the relationship I had... i twas a totally nuetral thing... They were both just special in their own ways and never did those two things intersect.<br />
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I get that when men behave this way that women are ingrained to take it personaly but it's really, very likely, not so. One rarely diminishes the other.<br />
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I know that's not really something comforting when you're in pain and that it's hard to over write ti wtih logic but what I'm trying to say here is that you're probably blaming yourself thinking what did i do wrong and the truth is: nothing. Some people just aren't wired well for monogamy.