Lonely & Depressed

I am a 61 year old male.  I have been married for 40+ years.  We had three children, now have two who have 3 children each.  I spent most of my working life in the financial industry.  I have been unemployed since 05 and I now consider myself to be retired.  Our grandchildren are all between 9 months and 6 years, 3 live in the same town and 3 are 85 miles away.  Parents are both dead (mother died July 11).  Surviving siblings are 2 brothers and 2 sisters.

My wife works a fairly demanding job and often doesn't arrive home until late.  Our relationship is basically non-existent.  Not sure why she even wants to keep me around.  Our conversations are all about financial decisions or the kids and grandkids.  Our personal relationship, as probably most marriages, has gone from pretty good to fair until 10 or 15 years ago.  Our sex life started waning and seemed to disappear about 12 years ago.  I have tried to talk about it at various times and she admits that she needs to work on it but usually ends up blaming me.  Disintegrated to the point that we hadn't had any sexual contact for several years.  Last summer I tried to rekindle and seemed to be going OK for about a week.  Attempts on my part were met with various objections.  Got tired of refection and waited for some signal from her.  Never happened.  After a few months tried to talk to her and got the worn out story that she realized she needed to work on it.  Repeated discussion a few times and nothing!  I finally moved out of our bedroom to the guest room.  Thought this might result in some type of activity.  After 4 or 5 weeks she asked why I had moved bedrooms.  Stated that I would no longer sleep in a bed where I was not welcome.  Her answer was she thought it was foolish because our bed was more comfortable.  Told her I did not want to be invited to her bed because it was comfortable.  Wanted to come back because she missed me.  Week or so later she reiterated that she needed to work on our physical relationship and would like me to move back to our bedroom.  After more than a week of rejoining her in our bed with no physical contact whatsoever I moved out again.  That was about 2 weeks ago and she has never even brought it up.

At his time I am feeling like I should be trying to find another place to live.  Emotions vary between lonely and depressed to extremely depressed with thoughts of suicide.  I have no friends to talk to about it and siblings are candidates.

Feeling Desperate
trebor13 trebor13
61-65, M
May 8, 2012