Time Is Running Out For Me....


Here, I am called moonstarsandsun, I am 51 years old and I live in Fort worth, Texas. Please allow me this message from me to you. 


I have every thing I need to quick smoking. I have the wonderful Dr's here in Fort Worth, Tx. .John Peter Smith. I have attended three quit smoking sessions for the past two years.

 I have COPD, back pain, MAC, (non Aids) Depression, high anxiety, cough.  

Oh yeah, my chest hurts when I cough and my back pops when I cough to; thus giving me back problems.

The SSI? well, I'm on my last appeal for benefits; but with the combination of the Chantix and the budeprion sr the drs are certain on my chances of success except now they are not so sure because of my unwillingness to give up the smokes.

It's not that I am unwilling, I'm on 15  different kinds of medicines. The depression seems to have a strong hold on me. It just feels so good to smoke when I do. 
I have a wonderful and loving friend who gets my medicines for me. But even this friend nor my children will buy the smokes for me. But a close friend does... and this person does it because this person can't seem to say no to me. I don't take advantage of that at least I don't think so.  This person has a strong bond with me and a past. Oh,  why can't I get them my self you might ask? I can't walk across the street to the store anymore because I tire extremely easily. What used to be a 4 minute walk now becomes 20 - 25 minutes to get there and back. Yes, I have to walk that slow and when I get back to the house I feel like I've just worked a double from a sheet metal industry environment 


Now, the reason I'm writing is because I have planned my quitting date again for tomorrow ( May 17, 2011 12:00 AM. My head is filled with how the withdraws have already affected me as my attempt has failed twice in the past 30 days. I need to quit, really I do and I know this.
Do I have the desire to quit? not at first no. Now that I find my self at the brink of needing oxygen the time clock for my life has begun to tick a little faster, and I might be a little bit more serious than I was before.

I've been smoking now for 32 years. 10 years ago I rented a VHS tape for smokers who want to quit. In the Video,  Larry Hagman  was showing me pictures of the lungs of a non smoker a certain age and then the lungs of a smoker same age. It scared me enough to quit for about 9 months. One thing he said in that video, that I have never forgotten;

"You're only one cigarette away from a pack a day" 

I can't seem to find that video any more. I wonder if I watched it again if it would have the same affect that it did 10 years ago. I wish my drs could show my my lungs and compare them with x-rays I've had many years ago. If you know a place where I could watch videos on line to fill my mind with the seeds that will grow into strong thought patterns why this time, I can't go back to them. ( The Cigs)  I would appreciate it.

 I’ve shared my thoughts and feeling for you now. I guess I need more help than I thought.  


moonstarsandsun moonstarsandsun
51-55, M
3 Responses May 16, 2012

Let’s see…. My last smoke was on Wednesday at 3:30 I cleaned out my ash trays and did not buy another box. I think I might have had some left over and I would have made some excuse to smoke them<br />
Yesterday (Thursday May 17, I told every one my target date would be the 17th but it ended up being earlier. Wednesday to 3:30 Thursday would complete 24 hours without a smoke. <br />
At this moment as I write this at 1:15 PM I am 46 hours without a smoke.<br />
I’m not alone though I have a smokeless Cig made out of plastic that helps me get by. Also between the Chantix and the welbutrin the withdraws are not as bad. <br />
They are there bay for sure; but when I feel it coming on I grab the smokeless cig and start puffing. It really does help a whole lot. <br />
So, from 3:30 Wednesday to 3:30 yesterday makes it one day or 24 hours. From 3:30 yesterday to 3:30 today will make it 2 days or 48 hours without a cig. I’m still vulnerable<br />
I might have a fighting chance after all.

I wrote this story at 4:20 PM yesterday May 16th. at that time had my last Cig about 3:30 PM so today I'm at this moment I am 1 hour and 30 minutes from completing my first 24 hours without 1 cig. I've thrown away all the cig. butts cleaned and put away the ash trays and told my good friend (the one who gets me my smokes not to) no matter how much I beg and plea. she has agreed so I'm on my own and I'm getting closer to that 24 hour period. trust me, that's a major step for me. Perhaps I might have a chance at life after all. <br />
Thank you folks who have read this message and a special thanks to those who have responded.

Boy I feel for you. I used to smoke but quit while I was still a teenager. My dad smoked his whole life. I hate what they do to people. Im not sure what your beliefs are but I have found that Bible verses helped me to get free from panic attacks and fear by making them personal and saying them out loud. I was also healed of skin cancer twice this way. ( Example: I do not have a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind.) Im not saying it was an overnight thing but it did work! I will pray for you and hope your feeling better.

I've lost just about all faith in everything. But I will not get into that too deep because I'm still fighting with it. However, it was kind for you to offer to pray for me. I thank you for that. Sometimes it seems that god listen to some people more than others perhaps he would listen to you cause he sure isn't listening to me. I appreciate your kind words and thank you for taking the time to read me out.