Been Clean For 5 Years And Still Not Getting Anywhere

I am going to be 42 in june and in recovery and really i don't have anything accomplished not working just a high school diploma no kids messed most of my life up and it seems like everybody got it together in this process but me. Iam a loner I feel that I have no one that is really down for me. I never really had any friends growing up noone really did'nt like me I am ugly I am the youngest of two my brother and I are not that close. The only person Iwas really close to was my father and either someone put voodoo on him and us or he is a schizophrenic and now he is dirty, lowdown, and has took us through so much **** till i dam near hate him. I have the most loving mama anyone could ever have and Ican't  even be that great daughter that can do for her and make her proud of me don't get me wrong I know she is but compared to my cuz. I'm really ain't **** Iam grateful to be clean today and for NA but it just seems like I should have it together better than this.
tryngtoholdon tryngtoholdon
41-45, F
1 Response May 16, 2012

I will give you thoughts. Do not use or abuse yourself, mentally or physically or anyone else. Respect your mind, body, and soul and the mind, body, and soul of those you know or will know in the future. Life is to short to hate, so don't hate life---just as live is to live, not fear living it. In life there are positive and negative experiences, might not like all the lessons but we learn from them all----that is how we gain or wisdom and our truth. Do not deceive yourself or anyone----because you are only fooling yourself. Forgive yourself and everyone that has left negative values and self issues within your being. Because only when you can forgive will you be able to love from your heart. Appreciate yourself for what you have accomplished and let the truth of your love radiate so everyone can feel your truth. Google in Fatima the movie and watch it or the clips, true story. ENJOY, My Friend

I meant to say Life is to live, not fear living it. Tell all your family that you love them and ask their opinion of you , so you can change the reason they feel this way.