Closed Off

He used to tell me everything, I mean everything. But now nothing, nothing on his mental or emotional state. I feel isolated now, so, so alone, no where to go. I have been closed off from my husband, the love of my life. I am no longer the love of his life though, it seems. It all began the first of this year, when he met his so called friend. I did not know of her existence tell March, when I saw an unfamiliar female name in his phone while I was fixing it. I asked him, and he mumbled that he had told me of this so called friend a while back, but he never did. Soon he began treating me terribly, throwing my already shaky mental state to the ground. My shattered heart would soon join. The threats began, not physical, but I was told to get a job, or he would leave...but he used to have no problem with me being a stay at home mom to our two young children.

One day he left his phone out, the texts pulled up and I soon see they are to HER. I quickly scroll through, reading their conversations. He tells her he has feelings for her, he wants to hug and kiss her, they should go dancing at a night club, and what ever happens, it happens. He says how much he misses her, and how he could stay all night and talk to her, because he is relaxed with her. My heart breaks, and I am left with nothing left as my chest tightens. I put the phone up, and do not mention what I have found.

Two nights later I send him a loving email telling him I want to fix our marriage, and my still strong feelings of love for him. He replies with the same. I mention that I am not comfortable with him talking with her, and spending time with her. He flips out. The next day he deletes her from his phone and facebook (I blocked her, he does not know). I know they still meet up sometimes at the gas station he goes to before work.

Since all this he has completely closed me off. It must be all my fault. I should have kept my mouth shut. But I did not want to loose my husband. I brought up that he no longer tells me what is wrong, and his reply is simply he wont and never will. Sex is no more, he has even told me he no longer craves or desires it with me. I still do. Even though he is still here physically, I have lost him. I have no one to talk to now. I feel as if I am falling back into a dark place, the place where knives where my friend, and the pain they brought me was my connection to life. I am no longer important in his life, I reach out for him, but he doesn't reach back. Everyone I have tried to talk too says this is all my fault...maybe it is.
Alon3inmymind Alon3inmymind
22-25
1 Response May 21, 2012

no, its not your fault, you may think it is but it isn't, it's his fault. you're not the one who's cheating, he is.