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I Really Need Your Help Guys...

hey I'm a 23 years old girl I'm really depressed it's all started when i finished high school i was a really talented student always gets the highest marks i got scholarship in a private school and i graduated high school with a very good grades i always been the good nerd girl always did what my parents want me to , when i finished school i wanted to be a journalist and i writer but i couldn't study what i wanted instead i got a scholarship at computer engineering and i had to study it because we didn't have the money to study what i wanted and my parents wanted me to study it, that thing made me really depressed and it turned me to a complete failure i just stopped studying i just couldn't i failed a lot of my classes almost lost my scholarship got into a really bad financial problems because i had to pay for the classes i failed and ad to that a big guilt feeling because no one knew what was going on with me i lied to my parents because it will break their heart and make them judge me as a failure i got really depressed problems were getting bigger and bigger i isolated myself from everyone my family my friends..i don't have close friends anymore i had a really awful relationship which ended up of him leaving me for another girl in front of everyone i know with days i got sadder and sadder things were getting worse i kept trying and failing but i just cant take it anymore I'm tired of everything my marks at uni is getting worse and worse I'm in danger of loosing my scholarship i hate my life I'm hiding everything from my parents...i just don't want to live anymore for the last 6 months all what I've been doing is sleeping and crying all day long...i got into a faze where i just can't take it anymore and i don't care what happened to me or my future i really wanted to quit school but i can't coz i need to pay a lot of money to quit it and i don't have any money also i need to get a large amount of money to continuo my uni i don't know what to do i really wana end all this thing i wana feel okey again
d989 d989 22-25, F 3 Responses May 28, 2012

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Hey again. I responded to your story in another group, but I wanted to add some comments here about medication and depression. Medication saved my life I believe, but as the other poster has said, it's dangerous to take the wrong medication or the wrong amount. I asked in my other post where you are located, and i see in your response to one of these that you're in the middle east. I can appreciate that makes things a bit of a challenge. But let's talk more if you'd like. I'm new to this site and I'm not really sure how we're supposed to connect. Add me as a friend? Inbox me (whatever that means)? Or we can swap email addresses, or chat on MSN or something if you like. Let me know what works for you, if you'd like to chat.

hey sorry for taking me alot of time to reply to your comment i really appreciate it....about medication i think it's not possible because i'm working as a flight attendant now and it's not acceptable to take such medicines so i'm trying to solve it in another ways....i still have the whole summer and i hope things will get better thanks again

Your school probably has some type of health center and/or counseling program. I'd suggest going there. Whether or not you feel like you can talk to your parents, you do need to talk to someone, and therapy is definitely a great help. I went to therapy for a few years for depression and suicidal ideation, and without a doubt it brought me back from a much darker place. Antidepressants may be what you need, but first and foremost you need someone to open up to. Lily is right, going through this alone is horrible.

well sadly they don't have a counseling and as i live in a middle eastern country going to a therapist is not an option actually i don't even know one here people only go to therapy just when they are completely insane ...it's sad i know but i may have access to prozac is it a good idea to take it by my self...thanks again for your coment

No, I don't think it's a good idea. Only a doctor will be able to tell you if Prozac is what you need, and how much of it will benefit you. It could be dangerous to take it otherwise. I think the best thing for you would be to open up to someone close to you so that you don't have to be alone in this. Whether or not your parents can help you financially, they can be there for you emotionally. Also, you can try something I do when I'm having a depressed day. It's called looking for "beauty marks." a beauty mark is anything in your life that may are the extraordinary within the ordinary. If you see a flower that looks especially beautiful, or you find a coin on the ground, or anything that makes you happy, or positive, or anything, even if it's just for a second. My friend gave me a homework assignment - I had to find at least one of them a day and call her and tell her about it.

that's nice thanks alot

if school is too much of a stresser then perhaps give it a rest, let it go. try being ok with not being perfect! it sounds to me like you're used to being a perfectionist, i understand this and how hard it can be to fail for people like us. for me it came down to dropping out just to save myself from suicide. it's ok to be in debt and it's ok to ask for help. if your parents don't accept this then you still have to. it's your life and you're allowed to make mistakes. there's plenty of time to pick up the peices later and pick up where you left off. put your happiness as a top priority.
the boyfriend thing is just the icing on the cake. these things give us character. you sound like a brilliant young woman, he didn't deserve you anyway.
that's such a shame that they don't offer mental health help in your country. i have considered leaving the states after i graduate. have you thought about leaving for awhile, seeing the world?

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i can't tell them....maybe not because of them it's me who can't handle a situation like this i don't think i can handle such a stressful way of living because i know what my life would be like if i told them and they can't help me financially I'm helping myself and working at summer and they don't have such money to give me I'm thinking of dealing with my depression cause I've been ignoring it for years I'm thinking of start taking Prozac or something like that but i have no idea what to do...thanks a lot for your comment i really needed someone to talk to because I've been feeling so lonely lately and yes it's hard to go through all of this while you can't tell the closest people to you what are you going through