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Im Lost

i am 22year old ive been with my boyfriend on and off for about 10 years i dont know what to do he goes off about the littlest things he punches me in my face and body he chokes me until i pass out he kiscks me after he punches me to the ground he has even urinated in a cup and threw it in my face i dont have any friends or family to turn to because im so imbarressed ive tryed to leave but i always go back this has been going on sence i was 16 and im so scared of him i have never ever been scared of anybody or anything until him but i still love him i dont know what to do trying to make it work doesnt help it only gets worse im falling apart and even think about killing myself sometimes but then i tell myself nicole hold on itll get better but it never ever does
nicolelynn143 nicolelynn143 22-25 2 Responses May 30, 2012

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I just recently ended my 8 yr on off relationship with my highschool sweetheart 3 months ago, so I can relate to how you're feeling. My situation wasn't physically violent (mental and emotional abuse), but I've struggle with untreated clinical depression half my life and had thoughts of suicide over the breakup. I know right now that you can't see your life past him and the situation you are in, but it is there. But you need to decide that you want it. You need to find the strength to completely remove yourself from him and cut all ties to anyone and anything that reminds you of him. You won't heal overnight. It took me a month to stop talking about it everyday, 2 months to stop checking his Facebook...but time heals all wounds. Find yourself one good friend to listen to you tell your story over and over, a safe place to sleep and meditate and keep moving. Exercise helps fight the blues.

this sounds like a case of a toxic relationship to me (but I am no relationship expert)