I feel drained and empty right now. I'm not all that depressed...I just feel like I've got nothing left to give to people ya know. My mom always does this to me. I've been doing just fine. I've been really happy and I've been feeling better then ever. I'm doing well for myself...depending on myself, I finally felt like I was heading in the right direction in life ya know. And then my mom starts her garbage. She made me a and idiot I counted on her...and like she always has she let me down....again. It hurt so was like a slap in the face. It wasn't even over anything really important but it's just the fact that she's doing everything all over again. I've never been important enough for her ya know...I've never been good enough. I did everything I knew how to be the best daughter I could be and she did everything in her power to make sure I knew I wasn't good enough and that I don't matter enough. And to have her let me down once have her back out on me once just crushed me. She played one of her famous guilt trips on me and even though I know I didn't do anything still leaves me feeling empty and so drained ya know. We got into this huge fight last night...and ever since then I just can't get myself feeling right again. I fell apart yesterday and I can't get myself back on track again. I was so angry and hurt...I wanted to really tell her some many things that I can't ever bring myself to tell her ya know. She's trying to convince me there's something wrong with me. She said, "I don't know what happened to you in New York but if you think you can come back and talk to me like this you've got another thing coming." I wasn't mistreating her...or talking to her poorly....but that's how she twisted things. Like I said in my blog...she's a master at this manipulation stuff. I hate to say it but in all honesty my mom is the only bad thing in my life right now. And what makes all this worse is I'm not in the mental state where I can handle any of this crap she's putting me through. I feel really stuck. A good friend of mine recommended a vacation from her...but how do you do that? How do you take a vacation from your mom when she lives 30 minutes from you and has your siblings that you love like they were your own kids? And besides...if I stop talking to her for any given time she's just going to find a way to use that as more ammo against me...but I can't live like this. I can't have her jumping in my life and destroying everything with her garbage. I don't know what to do anymore.
pepsi21addict pepsi21addict
22-25, F
39 Responses Apr 19, 2007

im this exacaxt same posistiion theres always something wrong with me that i knever even knew. <br />
its just too much to handle. she twisting thing and making me look like the worst daughter ever and tbh im really not.

My mother was distant, emotionally abusive. As as a child I had no one I could rely on. I discovered early on that it was better to handle my problems all by myself, rather than running to mummy as other kids did. So, I became adept at excluding my mom from my life. At 19, I went to university in another city, despite having plenty of universities in our home town. Then, I emigrated and lived most of my life at the opposite end of planet earth. She's been bitter to end. In my life, I carry a feeling of loss. Lost childhood, lost personality, lost emotions.

My mother is toxic too. She is a mean alcoholic who can be very abusive. She is in denial and has hurt me for years with her action and her inaction. At 44, I have finally come to the place where I feel the need to protect myself from her, and am finally comfortable setting those boundries. You are young and sound like you have more invested so it will be harder to get away from her, but if you can, it will be the healthiest thing you have ever done for yourself. If you dont have kids, when you do, you will understand more why you need to do that and it will be easier, because it will no longer be about protecting just yourself but your children and you will realize as mother yourself how important your actions and behaviors effect your kids and you will feel an overwhelming need not to let them get hurt as you do. If you ever want to talk, please email me.

I had the same experience. Toxic parents. But I meet a man that I wanted to marry. And we moved away and he helped to build my self esteem. We had children and I did everything in my power to be a better mother than I had. I constantly worked on removing those negative emotions. I hope I succeeded.

Oddly, this situation is almost identical to mine. my mom has emotionally bankrupted me. I won't go into details. Have you ever thought about therapy for emotional abuse or maybe even starting your own blog? Writing out my feelings anonymously, has really helped me. I am so sorry you feel this way. I am sending a hug!

I feel your pain. My mom is bipolar, so she goes from being the nicest person in the world, to the meanest, most spiteful and hateful being that I've ever encountered. And a few years ago, I couldn't handle it anymore, so I didn't talk with her for a few months while I started counseling (there were some other things going on that amplified the tension, but that is a really long story). My counselor recommended a book that really helped me get through the process of creating a better relationship with my mom, and I'm not one that usually subscribes to the self-help book theory. It's called 'Toxic Parents' by Dr. Susan Forward. You could give that a try for a different perspective.<br />
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And, if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me, and I'll be happy to listen and bounce ideas around with you. Good luck, sweetie!

The thing to do i think is move sell ever thing what ever its going to take get your life back its your but move its sad what mom!s can do to ther babes try not to get any weaker you must move on take your kid!s start over some where but move on get your life back now

Sincere comment ahead: I've found in life that my worst disappointments have ALWAYS turned out to be the largest blessings. TRUTH! <br />
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As for a vaction from her? I had to learn how to subtly enforce boundaries with my mother. It helps. You simply need to decide what is and is not okay and tactfully adhere to it. She need not know what you're doing. It's much like training an animal - you don't sit down and tell the animal you're going to train them, you just begin training them in a positive manner because they respond better that way ... It sure worked for me. I wish you well with this.

yes, sometimes its hard to see the blessings in life, but you will soon.

hon, Im not completly sure of what your talking about but if you ever wanna talk about mother relationships, just message me..