Really Depressed

I am moving. Not because I want to but because I have to. When I renewed my last lease I thought by the time this lease ran out I'd be moving in with my boyfriend of three and a half years. Things didn't turn out that way as he is no closer to doing that now than he was at that time.

Although my financial situation has improved it is not enough to stay in my apartment where I'm comfortable and happy. The only place I can afford is a one-room apartment with a bathroom. I can't bring all of my furniture or belongings and have to part with many things. Some things my boyfriend will hold onto for me in his place. He is going to help me move my furniture,etc into the new apartment.

I have a few health issues due to auto-immune disorders. Because of these I'm often tired and feeling poorly. I have  a lot to get done before I move. My boyfriend asked me what I would do if he offered to come out and help me next week. I said I don't know because I can't answer that not knowing how I'll feel at the time.

He said that was the wrong answer. He said he can't help or feel sorry for someone who's not willing to help themselves. He said if I can drag myself into work everyday then I can push myself to get things done toward moving. I am already on notice from work not to miss anymore days off or I will be let go. I missed a few weeks of work due to hopitalizations.

He also said I should have had a better plan in life and if I did I wouldn't have been in the position I'm in financially and I'd have been able to stay in the apartment I'm in now. I told him my plans years ago were to get married,have children and work and add my income to my husband's.

I ended up raising my children on my own most of the time without child support. I did go back to school only to enter a field in which the pay sucked and I was abused. I left that field and started over again and now I'm earning almost twice what I was when I met my boyfriend.

I'm overwhelmed with what lies ahead of me compounded with the depression of giving up things and moving into a tiny little apartment once again all by myself.



SandyGirl2225 SandyGirl2225
51-55, F
2 Responses Jun 27, 2008

<p>Sandy,<br />
It sounds like you are in an excellent place to make some great, new decisions for yourself...<br />
But first... (and this'll be the hard part...) decide that ANYONE who is NOT going to support you, be there for you, or give you what you need to be happy... (even if it's only someone to listen to you while you jump up and down and vent your frustration without critisizing you...) is NOT your friend! You need someone who will support you, physically and emotionally! Anyone who is not your friend is only more baggage you have to carry... things you have to move around and like old furniture, something you have to arrange to get comfortable. If that is the case... get rid of it...! An old chair may be comfortable but if it is not making you healthier, it needs to go!</p><p>Next, you don't sound very enthused about the living arrangement where you are going to, so... you should be asking yourself... Why am I going here? <br />
If it is only because you can afford it right now, then promise yourself to keep looking elsewhere and give yourself a date when you are going to be out of there... <br />
If it because, it is near your work, it should only be temporary... the first thing you should do when you move in, is hang a calendar on the wall and mark it with the date you are going to move to a better, nicer place that you can be proud of... a place that makes you happy and makes you feel good... It needs to be a place that fullfulls you... a garden, sunny, peacefull and quiet, if you like that, or busy and lively, near a lot of activity... if that's your thing... But it needs to suit you...</p><p>As far as your boyfriend... Well, he sounds like that old compfy chair... While he feels good, he's not doing you any good and you need to hire a mover to toss him in the skip for you...<br />
Cheers and keep your chin up... It's time for you to do everything you want... for a change...</p>

I completely understand. I have had psoriatic arthritis since I was at least 13 (I always had pain, but wasn't diagnosed until then....though I have had the skin disorder since I was 3 years old)<br />
I lost my husband when I wasn't able to work anymore...I was apparently nothing more then a pretty face and a way to pay for his...bad habits...<br />
I am now living alone. I have dated a few men that I thought understood...but in the end, they all couldn't handle the challenges that I have to deal with.<br />
Everyone has something to say about what I should be doing....but I feel so alone because no one understands at all.<br />
I get dirty looks when people hear that I am on disability...they think that because I can walk (mostly) and they can't see the problem (because they didn't know me before my joints were distorted) that I am just being lazy.<br />
I am only 28....and I am scared to death about what life will be like in the years to come.<br />
You are not alone....I understand...and I would help you if I could....<br />
I need help too...but I am not sure that there are any men out there that will take me on because of this thing that is not my fault.....<br />
I am not sure if you believe in God, so please don't be offended....but I am praying for you....and if you believe....may I request that you pray for me as well?<br />
Keep up the fight....I know that you are worth it!