A Job At Last

After over a year of unemployment, I finally found a job through a friend of mine. It's only part time, but I was happy to take it. The company is a bio-cleaning service. They clean up after pest control is finished and the like, but the position I applied for was a graphic design and office worker. The first day went fine. I made a large vinyl van magnet and a few new possible logos for the company. I thought it was a dream come true. I haven't graduated from college, and I had a job that payed moderately in the field I was studying. Everything was great. Then the next day, I'm told to come in at 6 am. I do so, and they tell me I'm coming along on a cleaning job. Sure. I guess they were short handed, and I have a fairly strong stomach. It's a 2 hour drive to the site, and I get to know the two older gentlemen that are there with me. They seem ok enough. When we arrive at the job site, it's an apartment building and we're told that the previous tenant of apartment 3G needed his apartment cleaned out. I geared up for a hoarder style mess and trooped upstairs to ***** the job. The door opens and the smell.. The previous tenant was not a hoarder. He was a drug addict who had committed suicide in his bathroom. The forensics had taken the body out but the mess was still there. I've never seen so much blood in my entire life. A whole person's worth all over the floor and the walls. I was nearly sick, my legs started to shake and I got out into the hall. The other two were joking and looking around, saying how long it was gonna take. Suddenly, I didn't want to get to know them anymore. I'm not naive, I know things like this happen, and someone has to clean up, but This is not what I signed up for. We didn't end up taking the job, the whole deal sounded shady as the other men talked to the boss on the phone. Before we left, however I had to take pictures of everything with my phone. It took all my energy not to throw up. Beyond the smell, and the gore, I could see everything in the apartment. Empty gin bottles, razor blades, drug paraphernalia, and pamphlets from street corner ministers. I could picture the person in my head and the life they must have had. The thing that affected me the most was how jaded the building manager and my coworkers were. They didn't flinch at the sight of it all and they didn't care.
I need a job badly to save money, as I'm going away for a mission for my church, but I don't know if I can keep going with this job if it means going and cleaning these sites. It gives me this horrible feeling of anxiousness and despair. I can't sleep, and when I do, I have nightmares. It's 10$/ hour and 20-30 hours a week, but I honestly don't know if its worth it at all. Please, help me.
Seigea Seigea
18-21, M
Sep 9, 2012