Alcoholism Took Over Our Happiness

I have known my military bf for 2 years and have been a military gf for the past 6 months. That may not be a long time to some, but this is my first time experiencing and learning how to handle a military bf and it has been a long and challenging. Since we started talking, everything was perfect. He's in active duty and has nights and weekends off. It has been nice to be able to spend time together over Skype, and it has really helped our relationship grow. We have made so many plans to be together once he is home for good in a year and a half. In my heart, he was going to be the one I settle down with and he told me that all time himself. About a month ago, he started to go out more and that was fine with me because everyone needs their space. However, he started to drink to the point where he would knockout and his friends would take care of him. I wouldn't hear from him until the next morning. That started our confrontations and I got worried with how he was bottling things up inside. At first I was angry, but now I have calmed down realizing that I need to be there for him. However, he has been out in the field and that has made it extremely difficult to reconnect. Now, we are at the point where we are drifting apart. He is pushing me away, not wanting to talk at all, staying in his room alone, and drinking heavily on the weekends. It hurts to see him this way but now he has made the choice to leave this relationship. He has told me that he wants to be able to stay out, drink, have fun and knockout without having to worry about a gf. His family has told me that he is being hard headed and dealing with his problems the wrong way. They don't want me to leave him and I do want to help. I'm just confused and overwhelmed with what's going on. I don't know where to start and I have no one to turn to that will understand how it is to be a military gf. I will be seeing him this weekend for a trip that we have planned and I'm afraid that this may be the last time we will be together. I don't know how to approach him and ask him if he will get help. Remember, I said he was hard headed and I know he may be angry with me. He is the type that will reflect on what I say later when he is alone. My mind is racing with terrible thoughts everyday. It has been difficult for me to function my daily life with all this stress and him being away. I truly care for him tons and I know he does to. Help me, I don't know what the right thing to do at this point.
mlabelle mlabelle
2 Responses Sep 17, 2012

Hi, I'm only answering because the answer below is so lacking in empathy, support and regard. I am a female alcoholic - I'm getting treatment, but life isn't as easy or clean as MollyGray with all the 8s says. An alcoholic isn't necessarily bad, or violent, but if he ever is, then leave.
Honestly, you are in love with a man who is probably dealing with things that luckily you & I will never have to deal with. I presume you are from the US (I am Australian), but I have heard that the military in the US has well established support groups for the partners of those sent to war. (if I had the choice, I would never contact these people because I'm an athesist who distrusts an establishment whose purpose, I think, is to convince me that actions I fundamentally see as wrong, and kinda evil, are right).
Anyhow, ignore the bits in brackets above - you love this guy, you need to figure if loving this guy is good for you in the long term, but coming on the internet probably isn't going to fix your doubts. Or maybe it can help - send me a message in the next couple of hours & I'll send you my email address - I would be very happy to talk to you :) , but if you don't feel okay with that there really are alot of support groups for military partners in the US, and apart from the random *****, the vast majority are there to support the girlfriends/boyfriends as well as the partners/wives/husbands, considering how young are the men and women that our countries are sending to die for us.
I'm sorry this message didn't end with a completely supportive note, however I truly mean the above comment - if you want to chat, send a message- I'm actually kinda nice & really feel for your position

Get away from him! He will hurt you, he will die young and he will not be the boyfriend you wanted. I know this Because my dad was or is an alcoholic.