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Going Through Crap Again~

I didn't just wanna write it like that so, I wrote a poem.

You may say I'm young,
You may say I don't understand,
But I do.
Every morning I wake up,
And question myself,
"Why do I go through this pain?
Why am I constantly afraid of being judged?
Why am I never good enough?
Why did my grandmother have to die?
Why are most of my family members bound to cancer, weakness and death?
Why do I not believe in myself?
Why do I cry myself to sleep?"
I don't answer them. I simply question.
Ask.
I examine the other girls,
Wondering why I can't be like that,
Why I have to be me,
Why I have to look like...this,
Why I never learn and always forget,
Why I'm always picked last, and always talked about,
In the bad way.
I look at my hair, I want to pull it.
I look at my pimples, I want to scoop them out.
I look at my eyes, a dark dirty brown.
I want to color them, a light green emerald.
I look at my legs, and wish they were someone else's.
I look at my nose, and wish for a smaller, delicate one.
I look at my nails, bloody, short and rigged,
From the biting I have done.
I look at my braces. Where would those gardening scissors be?
And then I stop.
Breathe.
I think of everyone else, in Africa, India, China, and other places,
Where the little children raise their open filthy palms,
Like tiny daggers up to heaven,
The women who have been raped,
The families with almost nothing anymore,
The ones with nobody with them,
The ones who have lost a loved one,
The ones who fought and gained nothing.

I know I should be thankful,
I am thankful,
but sometimes,
I can't help it.
Can anyone?
Feelings are like fireworks, they explode.
You can't hide feelings, or fireworks,
I just can't help but feel never good enough,
Never pretty enough,
Never smart enough,
Never witty, smart, funny, popular enough.
I don't own a padded bra,
I don't own high heels,
I don't have a boyfriend.
I don't wan't these things,
I just want to be seen as somebody,
not a nobody.
i don't want to be a foggy mirage,

but then again...
this is how I disappear...




~


thanks for reading

unknowninvisible unknowninvisible 13-15, F 24 Responses Oct 11, 2012

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That was so beautiful but just keep going for your time will come and you will be ok cause of your age.

i felt the same way you did when i was young....get out move away have your own experiences and always do what you feel is right no matter how weird or awkward you may think it makes you look....and i promise one day you wil feel beautiful and loved because thosr peope out there just like you are going to see you and know you...and all of those people who made you feel less important are going to be the ones wishing they were u

thank you very much :)

I suggest going to the nearest children's hospital. Ask for a phsych evaluation at the emergency room. They helped me, and will help you too. I love you, and make sure you know that you are worth it. that the people you talk about in you work above who "have it worse" may have It pretty bad, but you do too. Stay strong <3

I do get help, but thank you anyway. Thanks so much <3

your poem touched my hart personally it felt like I was reading about myself and I can understand where you are at this time. I want to let you know that you are beautiful just the way you are. you are obviously very smart from the way you have written this poem. if I could offer one piece of advice to you as a person who was once in your position it would be that life gets better and no matter where you are currently standing there is always opportunity to move forward and better yourself

thank you. I really appreciate this.

your poem made me cry and I feel exactly like that but i do have a boyfriend but idk how i feel about him now. I think we can both help each other by expressing our feelings to each other. I see that you are about my age so you probably understand things about me and I can understand things about you....I know this sounds weird but I know we can help each other...so if you aren't creeped out by this message (Ijust read it and it sounds creepy) friend me.

You are so not creepy. You\'re a muffin of cuteness okay hun and yes we so can help each other.
Im sorry I made you feel things, but thats pain (it demands to be felt).
&lt;3 stay strong homie

thanks, so are you. so why do you feel like you\'re in the dark?

you know when you\'re with a crowd? I feel like that. Camouflaging, being part of the background. Disappearing, atom to atom, like a rock volving into a rock. The outside matches the inside. Dark.

Super empathize. Like, right at this moment. I've realized I'm a late bloomer with my emotional development.

I relate completely. My grandma recently passed and my family also has "the cancer curse". I wrote a similar poem once, asking not to be perfect, but to be somebody.
I feel your pain

I'm really sorry about your loss. Sometimes we just need to let go, you know? I hope everything turns out alright for you.
Hang in there, buddy. We'll be alright.

Good poetry! Keep it up!
Msg me if u wanna talk to somebody!

thank you :)

Very interesting poem. You are talented. Keep it up :-)

thanks hun :&gt;

beautiful. I can relate to you. I also question myself about things in my life, but i never answered it. Some of us have lives that's crap, but it's in our hands to make it better. I'am here if u want to talk. just message me. Hope things turn out better for u. :)

thanks so much! I hope everything turns rad for you too

dear friend,the life is hard for every one.
but one thing,you do not know the china.unless the imagination of china can make you happy and better.
people live in china has their own life and most of them are happy.they have their own faith.

" people live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. that's how they define "reality" but what does it mean to be "correct" or "true" ? merely vague
concepts - their "reality" may all be a mirage. can we consider them to simply be living in their own world, shaped by their beliefs ? " - said by a ninja Uchiha itachi

Do you have a kik? I'm a thirteen y old girl that was amazing. Kik me: rtmkik if you wanna talk.

you know what ill create a kik
i guess ill kik you later omg no i did not mean that
(thanks tho u r awesome)

Very beautiful

Thank you very much

Absolutely Inspiring. The energy this brings forth the utmost respect to you from me. The way we feel about ourselves is very difficult to express. You should hold your head up high because you not only deserve it, but because you are brilliant and deserve nothing less.

God Bless you!

Thank you very much. :) Bless you too

Great poem. Well written. But .. know what? I bet the "other girls" have problems too. They just hide them and run from them because they are scared to feel or maybe scared to show what they feel. Anyway, please don't let your soul "disappear". Just disappear from sight when you need to ... like ninjas do. You know?

:D yes, like ninjas. gosh, these comments make my day 100% better. :3 thanks bro. you rock like a guitar.
or an electric ukelele.

Great poem, and your awesome

You have no idea how much small comments like that make me happy :)
you are awesome too, and thank you very much!

you are amazing- don't forget it. You are loved- God loves you. There are things none of us understand- i know how you feel, I've felt hopeless and lost and hurt too and the pain is agony. If you want to talk, I'd be happy to do so. Promise it won't be really christian-y ;)
peace x

:) thanks~
you are awesome as well! x) Same here, if you want to talk, I'm hee-ya. I don't really mind if it's religious or not. :)
Peace x)

I like your poem. Thanks for sharing. Buy God created you in his image, and its the beauty inside that's all it counts.

This had so much emotion. I liked it. And atleast you know you are lucky. One of my friends doesn't know how lucky she is just to be healthy an with a family who love her. I saved her from killing herself last night. So keep being strong. Or as strong as you can be.

Thank you~ I hope the best for your friend as well~ :)

you are STRONG! that's a good quality, and you can ENDURE all that crap then you also posses the ability to change some things and over come the obstacles infront of you! you can do it! now is your opportunity to let everyone see the real you! the fighter, the survivor, the one that's gonna kick some azz!! only you can change you, but there are plenty of ppl out there that can help! don't be afraid just do it one step at a time!

thanks xD

This is awesome ;)

thank you :D i thought it was rather stupid xD

it is stupid of the awesomness xD

xD

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my dear friend....... many questions similar to you i asked from my self tooo........ and ans came in my mind.....my thoughts ans to me.... maimoona....don't need to worry i am with u......ya i am...!ur and only ur thoughts...."u r unique....and u knw what......all in this process my tears also came and said to me now u need to keep ur eyes clean....ok!...........i like ur post......similar to my life style.....now jst listen to me.......u r good ,start loving ur self.....don't see ur outer....ya i have acne tooo and sometime i feel......but that feeling is now past......u knw what i used to do.......i used to hide my self.........people thought that i am may be shy...sort of.......!i usually don't speak in crowed...don't give my opinion...don't wanna get noticed........i think at that time.......people just want outer beauty.......no inner beauty.......i cried many time.....lolz now........and i also wanna tell u that i was not alone...........we five girls except two have severe acne....Oman's where i live the weather condition here is hot not suitable for us 2nd citizens who were not use to live............but i got the ans.........to all these problems....its just infriority complex.......actually i hate my self....think that i am the worst one...........what i do is just dn't ask from mirror how do i look.....bcz mirror is the reality...must note this that i know the reality and i didn't hide that.......just change the way of thinking..........go and sit with the people of amazing thoughts my teachers and on internet about those people who were worst then me.........oh! i also wana share this...i heard from news that women's face burnt by acids......oh! worstest event ..........i don't start liking myself.....i start liking my habbits....chnge and improve my thinkings and made them better............and things start getting changed.......people to whom i feel why they should talk to me....they called me...appereciate me .........my face is also getting better only just due to changing my thoughts.............main point............just start thinking positive....many thing i am not writing here u can ask me personely......if u feel not asking here...its promise to you being friend i'll help you..........now its the time to improve..and better improvment.

Yes! improvement changes everything! thanks for the comment x] I think you're not the worst one~ I think you are awesome x3

When i read this, i think, that i am reading a book, with this writing you can be a famous writer!* xD
And yeah.. reading this i can find myself. You are awesome.

i relate to youtr writing, your a great writer and i see you as somebody, some one with a beautiful story whom can put it on a page like no one else in this world

thank you so much~ :)