I Need To Speak To Somebody

I'm quite confused as of late... and I keep getting advice that isn't relevant... Its a perplexing issue and I guess this is a good place to start looking for advice.

I met a girl a couple years ago in my English class and we became great friends. However, we stopped talking for a while as the year ended. But this year we started hanging out more because we were both in Marching Band and I could tell she had taken a liking to me. So did the other band kids; I was encouraged to ask her out. We went out on a date later and we we've been going out the last couple of months. She is quite shy and awkward, but smart and very sweet, and I am awkward myself so it worked out in some weird way. The relationship was slow going, but that didn't bother me too much.

Anywho, she broke up with me out of the blue a couple weeks ago because she has trouble getting close to people because of her upbringing. Her parents are Persian and strict with her... as well as slightly racist. Her mother didn't like me because I am half-Mexican and half-Irish. Her father (whom she doesn't see often) is a very strict man. To say he is unfriendly is a rather large understatement. He had kind of messed up her views on love and this lead to her having trouble with emotional attachments.

She told me she had never really had an emotional attachment and really didn't want to ruin our friendship. There was no bad blood or anger or anything of the sort. I didn't overreact and didn't beg for sympathy or anything, but I am clearly sad/depressed/confused. We have talked a bit just normally, and I get the feeling she is a tad sad herself and she could miss me a bit as well. But she is wrapped up in studies for the SAT at the moment and is in the midst of a very stressful week... The both of us are, really.

I'm really unsure what I should do... if anything. I care about her and I think the relationship had potential. I feel conflicted on what I should do because I don't want to pursue her and make an *** out of myself and ruin things. But I feel like I should say something... I want to convince her that there's nothing to be afraid of and that we should try again. But I don't want to pressure her or do something stupid. But I want to know the stinger too... Should I give up and just stay friends with her? She told me she didn't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want to either.

"The Dreamer" in me wants to try again, and to convince her (without hurting her) that she shouldn't have to be afraid. It feels realistic to me. However, I also feel that maybe she only thinks of me as a friend now and it would cause issues if I were to try to convince her anything. Would it?

Anyway, I'm sorry for troubling you folks and I hope someone can give me some advice... Thank you for reading...
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2 Responses Nov 27, 2012

I'll just get to the point. I think you should take a minute or half a day and put yourself in her shoes and think of yourself from her perspective. Second, realize how bad or if you could hurt her in anyway should your relationship grow beyond friendship. Third think real hard if your feelings are just superficial, friendly or real emotions that you one day couldn't live without.
Once you have done that, ask yourself what's more important (considering you have exams) Is it : 1. making sure your ok with school/friends/family etc.?
2. making sure she's ok/fine/happy/contempt ?

I consider the answer to those two question, whichever you chose, to be the solution to your predicament.

That's why I consider he should put himself in her shoes and see things from her perspective, and by that I mean what to expect if he chooses to go forward with the beyond friends relationship (family arguments, couple arguments, painful decisions between family and loved one etc). Also that's why I said he should take some time to decide what are the emotions/feelings, considering the situations things will get a lot more complicated and hard if they choose to continue but it also could become a wonderful love story. That's why, I my opinion he should take the necessary precautions. These kinds of decisions aren't meant to be easy, at least that's how I see it. I could be wrong but that's what I would do.

don't ever be sorry for troubling people that share stories with you as well.and don't ever feel sorry of something you feel in your heart.this is a difficult and uncomfortable situation and not so many will have an answer for you but more words of encouragement and understanding.My humble opinion is to let her know you will always be there for her but give her the space.People need time to work themselves out. and people with love in their heart will have the patience.U sound mature and strong as you tell the story and i find it easy to believe that you are big enough to handle this.a heart-ache of lost love ...it's a *****....there is no real medicine for it...but you'r not the only one with it and you will be better...sooner than you think.the way u have already putted her concerns first makes u awesome hope you know that.best of luck!