I Don't Know If I Am A Lesbian, Bi Or Straight

I was raped by a family member around age eight. I've had low self esteem all my life. Always felt as if im the ugliest woman ever. I dated countless men. Most relationships were just not fulfilling. I was attracted to them but I would hold back. I can't say I've enjoyed sex with them and I would pick fights and break up with them out of guilt.

Currently, I find myself attracted to men. I know I have a type and gravitate towards men who are bald. I also find myself staring at beautiful women. I look at their breasts and butts. In my family, being gay is frowned upon. It's just not something you choose as I'm often told. I don't think I would want a relationship with a woman, but I can't stop looking at them. I know I want a husband and kids. What I want is to put a label on myself. Am I gay, am I straight or a bi? Am I really gay, but afraid of upsetting my family?

Anyone else feel this way?
Unsurenurse Unsurenurse
26-30, F
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

Sexual orientation is NOT a conscious choice that we make - it's the way some people are born, and it, and many other things are decided prior to each incarnation. The fact that you were raped at an early age has nothing whatsoever to do with whether you're gay, straight or bi-sexual. Since surviving a full-blown near death (transcendent) experience in 1981 and being a retired therapist with a board-certification in treating adolescent & adults survivors of childhood sexual trauma and abuse, I speak with a little bit of authority in my response.

Bob McDowell, MS, BCETS

u r gay bi and a